Selective
by Sakura414
Summary: AU  Ciel Phantomhive is plagued by an anxiety disorder which robs him of his voice.  He refuses to be professionally treated, but someone who loves him is tired of seeing him suffer in silence.
1. Mute

Chapter 1

Introduction

_"So, who knows the answer?" _

_The algebra teacher looked around the room, before zeroing in on me. For a few long seconds, she stared at me and smiled, as if she knew that she was doing something she shouldn't. I knew exactly what was coming._

_She leaned in and, in that sickeningly condescending tone of hers, the voice reserved just for me, she slowly said,"Ciel?"_

_I froze. "U-Um..." I stammered in a voice which was roughly an octave higher than how I usually spoke. I couldn't say anything beyond that. I was stuck. 'I don't know!' I thought,'Why did you call on me?'_

_I could hear the class whisper. Some of them tried to suppress giggles. My face felt hot, and I began to sweat, yet I still couldn't say anything._

_"Um..." I repeated once more. I stared at the projector, hoping for an answer to come to me._

_'Just say that you don't know,' I thought to myself, but that was something that my body was unwilling to do._

_Before I could squeak out another "Uh...", the teacher had moved on to another student. A wave of relief washed over me, but it was tainted with the overpowering desire to crawl into a hole and die. I stared at the tile floor, waiting for my pulse to return to a normal rate and inwardly cursing my body's inability to speak._

x o x o x o x

"Ciel is a bright boy with a lot of potential, but he needs to start speaking up."

Rachel Phantomhive suppressed a sigh as she listened to the ramblings of her son's teacher. Every parent-teacher conference from the time the boy was in kindergarten had been the same; she was always told that her son never spoke in class. He never raised his hand, nor did he give any response when they called on him.

"I agree with Mr. Tanaka," Miss Blanc*, the English teacher, interjected,"Ciel needs to start asking questions if he wants to be successful."

"We can't put him in higher-level classes if he doesn't talk," Mr. Tanaka* continued,"Once he gets into high school, class participation will be a major part of his grade."

Rachel sighed and glanced at Ciel, who was uncomfortably staring at the desk beneath him and tracing the doodles on it with his finger. She felt sorry for him, having to listen to his teachers say such things. No teenager wanted to spend a Friday night sitting in a classroom and listening to adults talk about him as if he weren't present.

At last, the teachers stood up. "Thank you for your time, Mr. and Mrs. Phantomhive," Mr. Tanaka said,"and thank you for coming, Ciel. I'll see you on Monday."

Ciel managed a small smile and nod as his parents said their thank yous and farewells.

x o x o x o x

"That was torture," Ciel groaned when he and his parents had gotten into their car.

"Your teachers say the same thing about you every year," Rachel commented,"It's a wonder I still even go to parent-teacher conferences anymore. What they said about class placement is bothering me, though. If you can do the work, you should be put into higher-level classes. I mean, it's not as if you're choosing to be selectively mute."

"Who would?" Ciel mumbled, before saying in a more audible voice,"Well it's not like they know what selective mutism is, let alone that I have it."

"You know, Ciel, if you would just accept the treatment like your mother and I have been suggesting, we wouldn't be having this problem. I mean, it almost seems like you want to be selectively mute," Vincent half-teased, not noticing when his wife shot him a dirty look.

"I don't!" Ciel practically yelled,"Why would I want this? Nobody walks out of the doctor's office saying "Oh, boy! I have selective mutism? So that's why my life has been so much fun since kindergarten!" It's not that I don't want to be treated; I do. It's just...I can't. A therapist is just another adult."

After a minute and twenty-seven seconds of her death-glare going unnoticed, Rachel gave her husband's arm a swat and scolded him for teasing Ciel about such a sensitive subject.

Ciel frowned and stared out his window. It was going to be a long year.

x o x o x o x

One year later...

"Ciel!" an energetic voice yelled, accompanied by the clacking of designer boots.

Ciel made a choking noise as a pair of arms was flung around his neck. "A—Alois...! C—Can't... breathe...!" he managed to say.

"Ah, sorry! I would've hugged you around the waist, but you're just so tiny!" the taller boy teased.

"I'd advise you not to handle Ciel that way," a third voice said,"My boyfriend is quite delicate. If you treat him too harshly, he could break, and then I would never forgive you, Alois Trancy."

Alois spun around. "Ah, but Ciel is my best friend. If you break his heart, I'm afraid I'll have to break your ribcage, Sebastian Michaelis," he retorted.

Sebastian laughed. "You're getting better at death threats, my friend. Is tying my spine in a knot while it's still inside of me* not good enough anymore?"

Alois merely glared.

"Well," Sebastian continued,"Ciel and I have our next class together, and the bell's about to ring. If you'll excuse us."

"Oh, but of course!" Alois curtseyed, mocking Sebastian's politeness with a fake British accent.  
>Sebastian shot the freshman a glare before making his way to the biology room, his fingers laced with Ciel's.<p>

x o x o x o x

Ciel took a deep breath before entering the biology lab. He hated this class, yet he loved it. It was the first class that he had ever had with Sebastian, who was a year older than he. Sebastian knew of Ciel's anxiety disorder- in fact, being Ciel's childhood friend, Sebastian had known how the younger boy felt long before he had been diagnosed. However, he had never seen Ciel in the state which had been described to him so many times, and Ciel feared the inevitable day when he would be asked to speak in that class.

Ciel and Sebastian sat beside each other, passing notes and only half-listening to what the teacher, Miss Annafellows*, had to say. There were still twenty minutes left in the period, and they already discussed the events of the day, compared weekend plans, and had a date that Saturday.

'This class is so horribly boring...' Ciel wrote on the ripped off corner of last week's homework. He returned his attention to the lesson, discreetly slipping his note to Sebastian from under the table.

"So, who knows the answer?" the dreaded words passed through Miss Annafellows' lips.

Ciel immediately looked down at his book; the chances of him being called on decreased if he wasn't making eye contact. The classroom was silent for a moment as Miss Annafelows decided which innocent student who didn't know the answer to call upon.

"Mr. Phantomhive?"

The words were like a gunshot. Ciel looked up, his skin suddenly feeling hot and his heart ready to leap out of his chest. "U—Uh..." was all that he could say.

Sebastian looked up from his note-writing. He had never seen Ciel like this before. The usually outgoing boy who he had known since childhood was suddenly unable to say a single word. His eyes had grown even larger than usual, and it appeared as if the poor boy were ready to cry*. It was all Sebastian could do not to cry along with him. Upon reaching for his hand in an attempt to comfort him, Sebastian found that Ciel's palms were sweaty and slightly trembling, with small marks where his nails had been digging into his skin.

This would not do at all, Sebastian decided. He loved Ciel very much, and this state was something that he never wanted to witness again. Of course, Miss Annafellows was not going to magically stop calling on Ciel for the rest of the year. No, problems were never that easy to solve. There was but one choice: Sebastian Michaelis was going to take action.

x o x o x o x

"Sorry you had to see that," Ciel said quietly as he and Sebastian exited the biology classroom.

"I'm sorry you had to go through it," Sebastian replied,"and I'm sorry you've had to live like that for fourteen years. It must be hard; it was painful for me just watching."

Ciel stared at the floor. "You felt embarrassed for me."

Sebastian pulled over to the side of the hallway, taking Ciel by the shoulders and turning the boy around to face him. "I don't like to see the people I love suffer," he said,"and my adorable boyfriend is certainly no exception. That display back in the classroom is something that I never want to see again."

"'Display'?" Ciel shrieked,"You're acting like I threw a temper tantrum or something!"

"It broke my heart to see you like that," Sebastian continued, ignoring his boyfriend's angry protests,"So, I want to help you."

"Help me?" Ciel repeated.

Sebastian nodded, knelt down, and took the younger boy's hand. "I promise to have you raising your hand before the end of the school year. Ciel Phantomhive, I'm going to help you find your voice."

x o x o x o x

A/N:

Selective mutism is an anxiety disorder which causes a person who is normally capable of speech to be unable to speak in certain situations, or to certain people. Hundreds of children, teenagers, and adults suffer from selective mutism. Some are unable to speak only to certain people, while others are completely mute to anyone outside of their family.

Fun, right?

This story was originally a short oneshot for the X fandom, but it somehow evolved into a full multi-chapter Kuro fic. I wrote it for three reasons: the first is to spread awareness about SM. The more people know about it, the easier life becomes for sufferers. The second reason is to vent, and the third is for the sake of others who suffer from SM. For those who haven't been diagnosed yet (or even those who have), it's important to know that there are other people like you. (I don't know if this will help, but I know that a fanfiction like this would have had me bawling at the computer screen. Seriously, people. I cried reading posts on the Facebook group.)

Selective mutism also appeared in my X/1999 story, "Disorder". I never put the name in, but for those of you who read it, it's the edited version of Subaru's disorder.

Dear OpenOffice: Yes, I spelled "mutism" correctly. No, I did not mean "autism". Sincerely, a selectively mute fanfiction author. =.=

To my Nee-chan, ForgottenTimepiece: Sorry I kept it a secret. I didn't want to talk about it because it's embarrassing! (O/O) I love you!

Asterisk Notes

*Mr. Tanaka: Ho ho ho. :3 (If you don't know who it is by now, I can't help you.)

*Miss Blanc: Angela Blanc, the evil angel who appears only in the anime.

Miss Annafellows: Hannah Annafellows, the horribly abused Trancy maid. She is a character from the second season of the anime, along with Alois Trancy.

*" it appeared as if the poor boy were ready to cry.": My friend has told me that when a teacher calls on me, she thinks that I'm going to cry. I don't actually know what someone in this state looks like, so I had to go off of how she described it.

*Tying one's spine in a knot while it's still inside of them: Yes, I've used that before, but it's too awesome not to use again! ^.^ "Break her heart and I'll break your face" is so overused, you know? It was hard to think of two new death threats, so I had to reuse my favorite from Disorder :)

Next time: stilettos, the color red, ...are all therapists crazy?

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	2. Flirtatious

Chapter 2

Ciel groaned and flopped face-down onto his bed. Why couldn't he erase the last twenty-four hours? Why did Sebastian have to be in his biology class? Out of every student in that classroom, why did Miss Annafellows call on him, and why couldn't he answer? Why couldn't he just talk like everyone else? The selectively mute shota sighed, deciding to drown his sorrows in mind-numbing internet use. He blindly reached for his laptop, lifted his head up, and opened a browser. "Sebastian wrote on my wall..." he whispered. He ran the cursor over the link to the unread message a few times, scared to read what Sebastian had written. After all, he had _seen_. What if he changed his mind about wanting to help? What if he wanted to break up? 'I guess I wouldn't blame him,' Ciel thought,'I wouldn't want to have to deal with a selectively mute boyfriend if I were anyone else.' He knew that something bad was waiting for him inside the unread message, but even so, he gathered up all of his courage and opened it.

_Hi, Ciel._

_Sebastian Michaelis posted on your wall._

_Sebastian wrote:_

"_Hey, Ciel! About Saturday night:"_

"Great," Ciel mumbled,"he's canceling."

"_I know of this really good restaurant that we could go to. Do you want to drop the original plan and do that? Do you think that ordering food would be a good way to practice talking? Let me know what you think."_

_Reply to this email to comment on this post._

Ciel let out a sigh of relief and clicked on the link to reply.

"Ciel!" Rachel's voice echoed through the impressively large Phantomhive residence,"Ciel, could you come here, please?"

The high school freshman closed his laptop and ran down the winding staircase to see what his mother wanted. "What's up?" he asked.

"Ciel, sweetie," she started,"have you checked your grades recently?"

Ciel shook his head. "Is there something wrong?"

"It's just that..." Rachel hesitated,"Your class participation grade is becoming a major problem."

The fourteen-year-old's eyes grew wide. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"It's nothing to apologize about," his mother comforted,"You can't help it. Anyway, your father and I were thinking that maybe it's time that you get professional help, so..."

"No, no, no, no, no," Ciel whispered to himself.

"We made an appointment with a therapist."

"No!" he repeated once more, this time a bit louder than he had intended.

"Ciel, it'll be fine," Rachel assured.

"So I can't even talk to my own teachers, but you're expecting me to sit in a room with a complete stranger whose name spells 'the rapist' and magically be able to speak?" Ciel clarified.

"It'll be better than you think," Vincent interjected.

Rachel nodded. "It's for your own benefit. We want you to be able to talk, and I'm sure you want to be able to talk. Trust us: everything is going to be fine. Be ready to go by four."

x o x o x o x

"Hello! I'm Dr. Sutcliff!"

Ciel looked up from the carpet stain which he had been glaring at to find a man- woman?- standing in front of him.

"You must be Ceil Phantomhive?" the person continued.

"Ci-el," his father corrected as he stood up to introduce himself,"And I'm Vincent Phantomhive."

"Oh, my! What a gorgeous man!" Dr. Sutcliff gushed,"You can call me Grell."

Ciel's mother stood up quickly. "I'm Rachel Phantomhive, Vincent's _wife_."

Dr. Sutcliffe pouted. "All of the good-looking men are either taken, straight, or both*. Anyway, shall we get on with it? Follow me, please."

Ciel shuddered. 'At least I know his gender now,' he thought.

The three were led to a small room, where three chairs sat: two side-by-side with a small table between them, and one positioned in front of a desk. On the table was a lamp and a small tissue box, and the desk was cluttered with every kind of paper imaginable. A Dunkin' Donuts* cup sat among the sea of papers, making a brown ring on what Ciel hoped wasn't an important document.

Dr. Sutcliff sat down in his leather chair and fished a pen out of his large, red purse. "Alrightie, I have some questions for you, Ciel."

Ciel nodded, suddenly feeling nervous.

"Do you have any hobbies or interests?" the therapists asked.

Ciel stared at the ground. 'I like music,' he thought,'I play the piano and violin. I also sing sometimes, and I kind of like art.'

"Uh..." he said quietly. 'Say something!' he thought,'The words are all there! Just say them!'

"He likes music very much," Rachel rescued,"He plays several instruments, and there are also a few which he's interested in learning."

Dr. Sutcliff wrote something down. "Lovely! Now, are you involved in any activities or clubs?"

'No,' Ciel thought,'I'm terrible at sports; I'm not very strong, and I can't run. I'm no good at acting, either, so I don't do drama club or anything.'

He shook his head.

Dr. Sutcliff nodded and did some more writing. "Alright, this one's going to be a bit awkward, but have you ever hurt yourself?"

Ciel shook his head violently.

The red-clad doctor cleared his throat awkwardly. "I'm sorry, but I have to ask everyone the same questions. Um... have you ever attempted suicide?"

'What the heck?' Ciel thought,'Does he even know why I'm here?'

He shook his head even more vigorously than before, this time accompanying it with a small "No".

Dr. Sutcliff looked slightly surprised upon hearing Ciel's voice. "Great!" he said after a moment,"Now, let's see... do you have any siblings?"

The teen shook his head once more.

"Dr. Sutcliff, do you-" Vincent started to say.

The flamboyant therapist pouted. "I told you to call me Grell!"

"G-Grell," Mr. Phantomhive corrected,"with all due respect, you do know why Ciel is here...right?"

"Yes, yes, I was just getting to that!" Dr. Sutcliff laughed nervously,"So...um...why exactly are you here?"

"Ciel has selective mutism," Rachel explained, sparing her husband the agony of speaking to the flirtatious doctor,"He's quite social around his peers, but he has trouble speaking to adults, aside from my husband and I. He's refused treatment up until now, but his grades are being affected by his inability to speak in class."

Dr. Sutcliff nodded. "So he's never had trouble making friends or socializing with children his own age," he clarified.

"Correct," Rachel confirmed,"As I said, he only has trouble with adults."

"I've never really dealt with something like this,"the doctor confessed,"This is the first time I've heard of someone like you, Ciel."

Ciel looked up from the carpet, where he had been searching for shapes in the various shades of red and maroon which it was turning from years of being walked on.*

"But I'm going to do my best to help you!" the red-head continued,"We're out of time today, but starting next week, we're going to work together to get you talking! I'll see you later, Ciel! Byyyyyye, Vincey!"

The more than slightly disturbed family walked briskly out of the office.

x o x o x o x

"Well, Ciel," Vincent said as he climbed into the driver's seat of the blue Subaru Forester,"You weren't too far off when you said "the rapist"."

"I don't like him," Rachel commented,"He called you Vincey! Isn't your mother the only one who does that? Anyway, he doesn't seem like he knows what he's doing at all. He seemed more worried about flirting than helping Ciel, and he even admitted that he's never dealt with a selectively mute patient before."

Ciel sighed, ignoring his parents' complaints about the unqualified therapist. Instead, he took out his phone and began typing a new message.

_Sebastian,_

_I just came back from the therapist. He's a very interesting person, but not the kind of interesting that you want a therapist to be. It seems like he only became a therapist so that he could hear people's secrets and get some good gossip. Also, he's about as straight as a curly fry. That's fine and all- actually, it's good- except for the fact that he keeps flirting with my father. I don't want to go back next week._

_Love,_

_Ciel_

x o x o x o x

A/N:

Let me start off by saying that the internet is not the best way to drown your sorrows. I suggest drowning them in something a bit... sweeter. Perhaps a slice of cake or a glass of chocolate milk.

Asterisk Notes:

*"All of the good-looking men are either taken, straight, or both": This is not by any means true. Good Clamp fans know that all the good men are either taken or gay. :)

*Dunkin' Donuts: Exactly what it sounds like: an international chain doughnut and coffee shop. They have wonderful egg and cheese croissants!

*searching for shapes in the carpet: This is actually a good way to relax. Once, I couldn't answer a question, so I stared at the carpet and ended up finding Lady Gaga in it. Huh...

Chapter one got a lot of positive feedback, so thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, favorited, and alerted! It really means a lot to me!

**promocat**: Congratulations on being the *sparkle sparkle* first reviewer! Thank you very much! Sorry there wasn't much Sebby in this chapter, but I'll make up for it next time!

**Jenmoon1**: Thanks!

Thank you to my Nee-chan, ForgottenTimepiece, for being awesome. I don't know if you're even reading this (but I'm sure you are, since you always do), but thanks for always supporting me! Maybe someday you'll finally decide to come to the Kuro side. We have yaoi! X3

Thanks for reading, and I'll be sure to update soon!

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	3. Analysis

Chapter 3- Sebastian's POV

It was a particularly chilly morning in late September. Birds chirped and sunlight leaked through my blinds, but I was fairly certain that it was still too early for someone of my age to be awake. I yawned and scooped up my cats, Jiji* and Haiji*, who had awoken me by attacking my feet. "Go get someone else to feed you," I told them,"I promise I'll play with you later." Once they were back on the floor, I rested my head on my pillows and pulled my blankets up to my neck.

"Sebastian!" I heard my mother call,"Are you awake?"

"Yeah," I yelled back groggily, wondering why I would need to be out of bed at this hour; it couldn't have been any later than nine. Perhaps she wanted me to haul groceries to the kitchen or go shopping with her.

"Okay!" she replied,"Are you about ready to go?"

'Go'? Where did I need to go today? I did have a date with Ciel, but that wasn't until later. Unless...

I turned to look at my clock. "Crap!" I practically screamed. It was 11:50, which meant that I was supposed to be at Ciel's house in ten minutes. "Crap crap crap crap crap..." I muttered, springing out of bed and rushing to my closet. I pulled out a pair of jeans and a black tee-shirt and quickly threw them on before running to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. I grabbed a towel and wiped the uncomfortably cold water from my face before sticking my head out of the bathroom door to check the time. It was 11:55; I had done it. Five minutes was surely enough time to put on my shoes, receive my mother's lecture about being a gentleman and paying for lunch and such, be reminded to take a sweater, and run to Ciel's house.

I bounded down the stairs to find my mother standing in the dimly lit living room with a jacket draped over her arm and my sneakers dangling from her fingers. "Ready?" she asked.

I nodded, and she handed me my shoes.

"Now, Sebastian," she said in her lecture voice,"don't forget what I've told you about being a good boyfriend. Make sure you hold doors open for Ciel, pull his chair out for him, and pay for lunch. Order his food for him if he asks you to. Oh, and hold hands while you cross the street and go through large crowds. Make sure you take a sweater, and zip it up! Also, put your hood up if your ears get cold. Don't forget your phone and credit card. If you get too cold and don't want to walk home, give me a call and I'll give you a ride." She unlocked and opened the door. "Have a good time, and be safe!"

"Okay, Mom," I said, shoving the necessary items into my pockets and sliding my arms into the sleeves of my sweatshirt,"Bye."

When I stepped out the door, a gust of wind practically knocked me off of my feet. I chuckled to myself. This wasn't good; Ciel would surely be blown away. Shaking off the thought of my boyfriend's small body being carried away by the wind, I ran down my driveway and to the Phantomhive residence.

Mere seconds after I rang the doorbell, the door swung open to reveal Ciel.

"You ready?" I asked, earning a nod.

"Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad!" he yelled over his shoulder before closing the door. He then turned his attention to me. "So, where are we going?"

"That new Italian place downtown," I replied,"This is the first step in helping you to speak up. You're going to order your own food,"-Mother would be disappointed-"and I'm going to count the number of times you say 'Um'. We will do this every so often to mark your improvement. Does that sound okay?"

Ciel nodded. "That's fine."

We walked in silence for a moment, our feet tapping an even rhythm on the sidewalk. When he shivered and zipped up his much too large sweatshirt, I put my arm around him. He leaned his head on me, and I smiled. A few years ago, I would never have touched him like this; Ciel was fragile, and I didn't want to break him. In addition to being selectively mute, he was also asthmatic. He was allergic to cats, so his visits to my house had to be brief. As well as the large medical complications, Ciel was only 5'1"; he was under one hundred pounds; he was constantly getting sick; he had no tolerance for spicy food; whenever he got injured, he would bleed for at least half an hour longer than an average person; he couldn't stand any mention of anatomy and nearly fainted during the dissection demonstration in biology class just days before; he couldn't stay in a pool for any amount of time without complaining about how freezing the water was or a hot tub for more than five minutes without getting light-headed. Although these things may be trivial, they were enough to prevent me from so much as laying a finger on my childhood friend for the first five years of his life. We had come a long way since then, although part of me still worried about getting him sick every time we kissed.

"Is this it?" Ciel asked, pulling me out of my train of thought. I looked up to read the red sign which stretched across the top of the building.

"Yup!" I replied,"'Feliciano's Italian Restaurant*'. Shall we?" I took his hand and led him through the door.

The restaurant smelled of cheese, garlic, and tomatoes. The dim lighting coupled with the deep red walls and soft piano music made for an extremely awkward failed attempt at a romantic atmosphere. A perky young woman with pigtails which nearly matched the walls greeted us and led us to a small table by the window.

"I'm Mey-Rin, and I'll be your server," she introduced, placing two menus on the table. "Can I get you guys something to drink?"

"I'd like a lemonade, please," I said. After I had placed my order, the waitress and I both turned to face Ciel.

"Um... I'd like, uh..." he started,"um... I'd like, um, an iced tea, please."

Mey-Rin nodded. "Okay, I'll be right out with those!" And with that, she had disappeared back into the kitchen.

"That was four 'um's," I reported.

Ciel pouted in defeat. "I'll do better next time."

I shook my head. "Don't worry about it. At this point, I'm just trying to collect information."

"So... what exactly are you planning? I mean, in terms of getting me to talk. Do you have an idea of how you're going to do that?"

"Well..." I thought for a moment,"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm under the impression that some portion of your anxiety comes from the fear of what other people will think."

He nodded.

"Good. So," I continued,"For the next few weeks, you're going to whisper your ideas to me, and I'm going to raise my hand and say them for you. This should help you grow accustomed to getting your thoughts out. Is that alright with you?"

Just as Ciel was saying "That's fine", Mey-Rin returned with our beverages.

"Are you ready to order?" she asked.

I nodded and began. "I'll have the fettuccine alfredo, please."

"Um..." Ciel looked down at his menu,"I'll, um... have the, uh, ravioli, please."

May-Rin nodded, collected our menus, and returned to the kitchen.

"Three 'um's," I stated,"That makes seven all together."

"Pathetic," he muttered.

I reached across the table and grabbed his hand. "Ciel, it's fine. You can't help it. I promise, you won't have to feel this way for much longer. Anyway, enough of that. In order for this plan to work, we're going to need some assistance. Is it alright if Alois gets in on it? Every class you don't have with me, you have with him, right?"

"Yeah," he confirmed,"He...doesn't know, though. About my SM*. I've never told him."

"You've never told your best friend?" I asked, surprised. I knew that he was secretive about his disorder, but Alois was his second-closest friend, beaten out only by me, with whom he shared everything.

"No," he shook his head,"My family, your family, and my therapist are pretty much the only people who know. But I can tell him, if you want."

I thought this over. "That would be best," I said after a moment,"But you have to be prepared for everyone to know. If you tell Alois, you're telling the whole school."

This was true; everything that went into that boy's ears came out through his mouth as soon as he found someone to tell. Even when you told him not to tell anyone, he would call up a friend, who would call up a friend, who would call up a friend. In no time, your secret would be exposed to the entire population of the state, if not the country. Relationship statuses were meaningless; he was your personal Facebook. There was no need to repeat an embarrassing story more than once; nothing was a secret if you were friends with Alois Trancy.

Ciel chuckled. "I'll tell him," he said,"It'll make my life easier if more people know."

I smiled, unable to put into words how immensely proud of him I was.

x o x o x o x

A/N:

It's finally finished! I've had so much homework involving typing for the past two weeks that when I had time to write, I had absolutely no desire to. It's done, though, and just in time to celebrate the release of the sixty-first chapter of Kuro! (Don't go looking for it yet, folks; it's not until tomorrow.) I also watched the English premier of Tsubasa Shunraiki, saw Yuya Matsushita on the Funimation channel, and found out that Kuro II is coming out in English in 2012! It was a good day. :) Now, on to actual relevant things.

Asterisk Notes:

*Jiji- The cat from Kiki's Delivery Service, an adorable movie that happened to be one of my favorites as a young child. :)

*Haiji: The cat from MoonPhase (aka Tsukuyomi: Moon Phase). She is Hazuki's "guardian spirit" and, when not a cat, takes the form of a small, human-like creature with cat ears.

Feliciano's Italian Restaurant: A reference within a reference. This name was originally used in my X/1999 fanfiction "Disorder". I don't know if the Disorderverse and Selectiverse are the same, but I thought that it might be fun to pull a Clamp and have some little things pop up again. The name Feliciano is also a reference to Axis Powers Hetalia, in which Feliciano is North Italy's human name.

*SM: A commonly used abbreviation for selective mutism. It's a whole lot easier to say and type, right?

Review Replies:

**PinkXRomance**: Thank you so much! I'm very glad that you're enjoying it! Not many people know about SM, so it's not surprising that you hadn't heard of it. I was as old as you when I first heard about it as well- in fact, it's only been a year! Once again, thank you so much! I absolutely adore long reviews!

**promocat**: Grell is the greatest, isn't he? So flamboyant and fun! XD Thanks for the review!

**Jenmoon1**: You... you came back! :'D I'm so happy! Thank you for your review; I'm so glad you're enjoying my story!

To my Onee-chan, ForgottenTimepiece: Sheesh! I thought the yaoi would be enough! Did I fail to mention that the Kuro side also has...vegan baked goods? Well, not really, but I'm sure Sebby could make some without even having to spend two hours on Google in search of a recipe and then three more hours in a whole foods store in search of some ungodly ingredients. Anyway, thanks for being amazing, and I'll write what you want me to write soon[ish]! (By the way, do you know what restaurant Feleciano's is based on? :3)

Thanks for reading, everyone!

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	4. Catty

Chapter 4- Ciel's POV

_-Hey, Alois. Are you free today?_

_Send._

_Buzz._

_Yeah. Why?_

_-Want to come over to my house later?_

_Send.  
>Buzz.<em>

_Sure! What time?_

_-It doesn't matter._

_Send._

_Buzz._

_Cool. I'll be right over, k?_

_-Okay. See you soon._

I sighed and closed my phone. This was it: I was really going to tell him. Alois was finally going to know about my anxiety disorder- and within a day, so would the rest of the school.

I set my phone on my nightstand and stood up, smoothing my blankets out once I was on my feet. Dozens of pairs of shoes were carelessly thrown in the closet, and handfuls of dirty clothes were shoved under the bed.

"Mom!" I called,"Alois is coming over!"

"Alright!" she yelled back,"Make sure to clean your room!"  
>I groaned and continued shoving things into my closet, though I knew that Alois wouldn't care in the slightest whether or not my room was clean. I could have left everything I owned on my floor, and he'd still be perfectly happy as long as we had food, cable, and a game system.<p>

After removing the remaining few items from the floor, I ran down the stairs to gather snacks and video games. I somehow managed to bring a bag of Chex Mix, two tubes of Pringles, half a bag of Doritos, an almost empty bag of Lays Ruffles, a package of Oreos, a box of Ho Hos*, Super Mario Galaxy, Lego Star Wars, and Final Fantasy VII up to my room in only two trips. Just as I set the large pile atop my cluttered desk, my mother called for me.

"Ciel!" she hollered,"Alois is here!"

Taking no time to catch my breath, I bolted back down the winding staircase and into the living room, where my friend awaited me.

"CIEEEEEEEEEL!" he yelled happily, throwing himself at me in a flying tackle.

I let out a rather feminine shriek and held on to the banister in order to keep from falling. "Hi, Alois," I greeted as we both stood up properly.

He giggled and embraced me in a more civilized hug.

"You boys have fun!" my mom said as we made our way to my room.

x o x o x o x

"Your parents are so nice," Alois commented.

I sat down on my bed and positioned myself to face him. "Your parents are nice, too," I pointed out.

"They are... but I still miss my real parents," he said quietly,"My adoptive family... they're all wonderful people, but I miss my mom and dad. You're lucky, Ciel. You've never had to deal with this sort of thing. I envy you. Your life is so perfect..."

"No," I objected before he had time to say anything else,"Don't you dare ever say that again. Not to anyone. There's nothing more disrespectful than telling someone that they have a perfect life when you have no idea what they could be going through. Everyone has their own struggles, and whether or not they decide to keep them private does not determine how happy they are." I took a deep breath before continuing. "Alois, can I tell you something?"

He nodded and adjusted his position.

"I have an anxiety disorder," I blurted.

"Oh, my God," Alois whispered, surprise evident on his face.

My pulse quickened, and my hands began to tremble. "It's called selective mutism. It prevents people who are normally able to speak from speaking to certain people, or in certain situations. That's why I can never answer questions in class, why I can never talk to your parents, why I never raise my hand... it's because I can't. The words are all there, but I can't say them. I just freeze up; my heart rate speeds up, I start to feel hot, I get an adrenaline rush., and I can't say a single word."

"Oh...oh, wow..." he mumbled, his eyes wide. "I'm so sorry, Ciel," he wrapped his arms around me tightly,"I'm so sorry! If there's anything I can do to help, just tell me, okay?"

I smiled. "Thanks, Alois. Actually, um... there is something that I need your help with. Sebastian has been trying to help me, but he can't do it by himself. In order for his plans to work, he needs someone to be with me in every one of my classes. He's got bio and Italian covered, so we were wondering if you could help in history, math, and English."

He giggled, clearly delighted. "Of course!"

"Thanks so much," I said gratefully,"Now...um, do you think we could talk about something else?" It wasn't exactly a polite thing to say, seeing as I was the one who brought the subject up in the first place, but talking about it for such a long time was taking its toll. Nearly every part of me was trembling, and I felt so light-headed that I was sure I was going to faint.

Alois looked worried; after all, it would be difficult not to notice someone's entire body shaking. "You okay?" he asked.

"Fine," I assured,"Please just talk to me about something else."

"Right!" He paused for a moment, probably trying to think of something to say. "Have you seen Claude lately?"

I should have known. The booty shorts-wearing blond was horribly obsessed with Claude Faustus, a black-haired and bespectacled sophomore who bore an uncanny resemblance to Sebastian. "No," I replied,"Why?"

"Pay attention to the way he looks at you the next time you run into him," he advised.

"Huh?" I tilted my head in confusion.

"He gets this weird look on his face whenever he sees you," he explained,"Like he wants to eat you or something."

"WHAT?" I screamed.

"Y'know, the 'I want you' stare," he shrugged, as if what he had said was completely rational. He then curled his fingers into fists, put his hands up to his chest— a very fangirl-like gesture- and squealed,"I'm sooooo jealous of you, Ciel!" I could have sworn that kid was mentally ill.

"You're jealous because Claude wants to... eat me?" I clarified.

"No, silly!" Alois waved his hand in an extremely feminine way,"I'm jealous because he wants you!"

I frowned. "That's creepy. Besides, I already have a boyfriend."

"Oh! Oh!" he began bouncing up and down, a sure sign that he had some good gossip,"Did you know? Apparently, Miss Annafellows got into a huge argument with Mr. Landers* at a faculty meeting a few years back. It got so bad that they ended up in a fistfight, and it took two hours for Mr. Chamber* to pry them apart! Anywho, Mr. Landers pulled a knife, and it took the whole staff to get it away from him, but by the time they did, it was already too late. That's how Miss Annafellows lost her eye!"

I chuckled. Leave it to high schoolers to make up such a bizarre story, and leave it to Alois to actually believe it enough to pass it on.

He pouted. "Don't laugh! It's true! I've heard the same story from all of the seniors I've talked to!"

"Don't believe everything you hear from seniors," I advised,"The things they tell freshman are usually lies."  
>"Oh, yeah!" he said, as if he had suddenly remembered something. "Ciel, have you heard about Lizzy Middleford and that Chinese exchange student? He asked her out through a text before school this morning, and they broke up eighth period. Now he's dating some other chick, Lan... Len... no, Re- Ra- Re? Ra... Ran... um... Ran-Mao? Something like that. Anyway, Lizzy's kinda weirded out by the whole thing. I don't know if they even talked during the time when they were," he made finger-quotes,"Dating. It obviously meant nothing, but you know how girls are with drama. She was an emotional wreck when you came out of the closet, going on and on about how you two were bound by the red string of fate. I hope she didn't actually like this dude, or else we'll never hear the end of it. Oh! Did Victoria* tell you about that thing with Eric Slingby* and Alan Humphries*? Omigawd, it was sooooo scandalous! So, Alan went over to Eric's house...and then... when they... and he said... but that's not even the best part! ...and then he was like... and Alan said... but Eric was all..."<p>

I chuckled, amazed at my friend's innate ability to jabber incessantly about his peers for hours on end. I often found myself wondering what exactly went on in his head. Whatever it was, it sure made life interesting. Never a dull moment with the school gossip as your best friend.

x o x o x o x

A/N:

Yeah, this chapter lacked Sebby. :( I had a burning desire to write about Alois, though. He's such an interesting character! The possibilities are truly endless... XD

Asterisk Notes:

*Ho Hos: Snack cakes from Hostess. Swiss Cake Rolls are better, though. Somebody please explain to me why it is necessary to put beef oil into Ho Hos. That's just disgusting and wrong in so many ways.

*Mr. Landers: Ash Landers, the evil angel who appears only in the anime. First introduced as the Queen's butler, he is later revealed to be Angela Blanc's male form. It's actually pretty disturbing.

*Mr. Chamber: Lord Aleister Chamber, more commonly known as the Viscount Druitt.

*Victoria: That's right. Queen Victoria is a high school senior.

*Eric Slingby and Alan Humphries: Two shinigami created only for the second musical, The Most Beautiful Death in the World. They are partners and best friends (but everyone knows that they're actually lovers.) I watched the musical last week and fell in love with this pairing! Sebaciel is still higher on my list, but these two are adorable!

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed!

**promocat**: I'm glad you like the Sebaciel-ness! X3 There will be plenty more in the near future!

**James Birdsong**: Thanks so much!

**xXOrshellXx**: Thank you! I'm so glad that you like my writing style, and once again, I'm SO happy that I was able to help!

**PinkXRomance**: Don't worry; I'll do my best to see this through to the end! XD Awwww :'( I totally understand! I hope this chapter made you feel better!

**WishIwereanime**: You reviewed all three chapters separately? You have no idea how happy that makes me! X3 I love the idea of a teenage Sebastian, too! He'd be so cute, wouldn't he? :) Also, I'm glad that you liked my portrayal of Grell! He's such a fun character to write about!

To my Nee-chan, **ForgottenTimepiece**: Thanks for putting up with my story-ignoring. I'm really sorry, but I'll try to do what I can soon. I'm also sorry for writing something that you aren't particularly fond of (at least, that's my impression) when I could be writing something that you've been waiting for since August. The X archive moves so slowly that I just don't feel any pressure.

At this point, I'm ninety-nine percent positive that you're not reading this, but I want to acknowledge you anyway. I love you so much!

Thanks for reading, everyone! I hope you all join me next time!

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	5. Tombola

Chapter 5

Ciel's boots clacked on the white floor tiles of his first period

classroom. He dropped his backpack beside his desk and sat down in

his chair.

"Good morning, Ciel!" a girl in a pink dress and obnoxiously

curly pigtails greeted.

"Hey, Lizzy," he replied in monotone.

A pair of arms wrapped around his shoulders. "Boun giourno, il mio

caro," Sebastian whispered, accompanying his greeting with a peck

on the cheek.

"C—Ciao..." Ciel mumbled through his hands, which covered his

fiery red face.

"No fair!" Lizzy shrieked,"I've never been able to make Ciel's

face turn that color!"

"That's 'cause he's gay," about half of the students chimed in.

"Ciao, ragazzi!" the Italian teacher, Mr. Landers, greeted as he

entered the room.

"Ciao, professore," the class echoed unenthusiastically.

"Today, we're going to be practicing greetings," the teacher

informed,"Please get your notebooks out if you need them, and go

around asking for each other's names."

The students stood up awkwardly and immediately gravitated to their

friends.

Ciel shoved his way to Sebastian as quickly as possible, not wanting

to have to talk to someone with whom he was not comfortable.

He looked up at his boyfriend and asked,"Come ti chiami?"

Sebastian smiled. "Mi chiamo Sebastian. Come ti chiami?"

"Mi chiamo Ciel," the freshman replied.

Mr. Landers came up behind Sebastian. "Come ti chiami, signore?"

As Sebastian turned around to reply, Ciel made his way to wherever

the teacher wasn't. He scanned the room for someone he knew so that

he would be busy practicing with a peer if Mr. Landers tried to

approach him.

Lizzy was already occupied talking to a classmate who Ciel didn't

know, making it impossible to insert himself into their conversation.

Eric and Alan were in the corner discussing something completely

irrelevant.

'Are those two glued together or something?" Ciel thought, rolling

his eyes.

The only other person in the class who he knew was Sebastian, who

was finishing his brief exchange with Mr. Landers.

Ciel bit his lip. 'He's going to come to me next! No... he saw me!

He knows that I don't have a partner! He's getting closer! He's

almost here! Somebody save me!'

"Signor Phantomhive?"

'...Crap.'

"You can't escape," the teacher teased.

Ciel laughed nervously.

"Come ti chiami?" the former inquired.

"Um... m—mi chiamo Ciel," the young teen managed to say.

Mr. Landers smiled before turning to address the entire class.

"Great job, everyone! Now, go back to your seats and we'll play a

game with the time we have left."

The students obeyed in a timely manner and with minimal talking,

probably due to their teacher's use of the words "play" and

"game".

"Okay!" Mr. Landers clapped his hands,"We're going to play

tombola!"

The class looked around confusedly and whispered, hoping that

somebody knew what the heck their teacher was talking about.

"It's bingo," Mr. Landers clarified.

Ciel's heart sank. Why was it always bingo? Couldn't any teacher

ever think of anything better? Why couldn't they play a game that

didn't include spontaneously jumping up and shouting as a requirement

to win? Better yet, why not the quiet game?

"Alright," Mr. Landers continued as he began passing out

papers,"You can sit wherever you want. When you get your card,

fill in the spaces with months and days of the week."

Completely ignoring his teacher's second set of instructions, Ciel

grabbed his paper and hurried to the seat beside Sebastian before it

was taken.

"Cieeeeeel!" Lizzy whined,"Why won't you sit next to me?"

Ciel pretended to be too busy filling out his card to hear her.

"Ready?" Mr. Landers asked, earning nods and affirmative

mumbles. "Great! Now, the first word is February."

The students looked over their cards in search of the word

"febbraio". Ciel made a disappointed noise as he made a small

mark in the corner of the appropriate square.

"Don't have it?" Sebastian asked.

"Yeah, I do," he replied.

"Friday!" Mr. Landers called.

Ciel groaned and marked the square above the free space.

"You're doing really well," Sebastian commented.

"I don't want to win!" Ciel whispered.

"The next one is April," the teacher announced.

Ciel cursed under his breath as he marked "aprile", which was

directly above "venerdi".

"Holy crap, Ciel!" Sebastian whispered,"That's four in a row!

You only need one more to win!"

"August!" Mr. Landers called.

Ciel let out a sigh of relief and put a mark on the space which was

on the opposite end of the board from the space he needed to win.

'Please don't call "giovedi",' he thought,'Please, Mr. Landers,

anything but "giovedi"! Whatever you do, don't say "Thursday"!

I'm begging you! I don't care what you say, as long as I don't have

to mark "giovedi"! Please!'

"Alright, the next one is..."

Ciel bit his lip and gripped his pencil so tightly that it would

have snapped in two had the teacher waited any longer to announce the

next word.

"...Thursday!"

"You won!" Sebastian whispered,"Ciel, you won! Say

"tombola"!"

Ciel shook his head.

"Say it!" the elder boy encouraged.

The response he received was no different from the first.

"Come on, Ciel!" he coaxed,"It's two extra credit points!

Besides, this'll be really good practice!"

At the third negative response, Sebastian took matters into his own

hands. With one swift movement, he grabbed Ciel's thin wrist and

flung his scrawny arm into the air. He then shot up from his seat,

forcing Ciel up with him, and yelled,"TOMBOLA!"

Mr. Landers raised an eyebrow. "Signor Michaelis, what are you

doing?"

"Uh... he won..." Sebastian said awkwardly.

"He can say "tombola" by himself, can't he?" the teacher

asked.

The sophomore was quiet for a moment. "...Yeah." He looked at

the floor and cringed.

Sebastian hated lying.

x

A/N:

HAPPY SELECTIVE MUTISM AWARENESS MONTH, EVERYBODY!

I'm sorry for taking so long to update, and I'm even more sorry about

how short this chapter is! A am not one hell of a fanfiction author.

On a completely different note, who's excited about the next chapter

of Kuro on Tuesday? :3

This is the first time in forever that I've written a chapter with no

asterisk notes! :'( Well, to make up for it, here are some

translation notes for those of you who can't use context clues.

Buon giorno, mio caro- Good morning, my dear. (This may be

incorrect, since I used Google translate, and we all know how

reliable that is =.=)

Come ti chiami?- What is your name?

Mi chiamo...- My name is...'

febbraio- February

venerdi- Friday

aprile- April

giovedi- Thursday

I apologize in advance to any native, fluent, or more advanced

Italian speakers. I'm only in Italian 1 right now, so I know how to

greet people and read an Italian calender. That's pretty much it.

Wow! I got a lot of positive feedback for incorporating Alan and

Eric! They'll be popping up more from time to time whenever I need

extras. As for what Alois said about them last chapter... interpret

it as you please. ;)

Well, that's all for now!

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	6. Assistance

Chapter 6

"Well... "spontaneous" means independent, right?"

"No, you idiot, it means sudden!"

"Doesn't "generate" have something to do with reproduction?"

"Then I guess it means to create something suddenly... says Oscar."

"Why is our class so stupid?" Ciel whispered, about ready to bang his head against his desk as his classmates struggled to deliver to the teacher the correct definition of "spontaneous generation".

"Well, what's your definition?" Sebastian asked.

Ciel sighed. "The creation of living organisms from an inanimate object."

Sebastian raised his hand.

Miss Annafellows looked at the sophomore and braced herself for another idiotic answer. "Mr. Michaelis?"

"The creation of living organisms from an inanimate object," he recited.

The biology teacher looked stunned. "That's right!"

Whispers of "He's so smart!" and "How did he know that?" floated about the room. Ciel stared at the black lab table and blushed.

"See?" Sebastian whispered,"There's nothing to be afraid of."

x o x o x o x

"OMIGAWD! Did you hear about Mr. Kelvin*?" Alois shrieked through a mouthful of peanut butter and jelly.

Ciel froze and stared at his friend with a look that said "Really, Alois? Really?" The young Phantomhive barely had one leg over the cafeteria bench, and already his friend was telling him the latest stories about people who he didn't know. Ciel would have bet all of his money that Alois had never even seen the marching band director in person.

"Apparently, he's going insane!" the blond continued, not waiting for a response,"Wendy* told me all about it! She said that he's been working them way too hard and scheduling practices at ungodly hours. Like, four in the morning and stuff! They don't get water breaks, either, and they have to march outside even when it rains! Their shoes start to sink into the ground after a while, and when they get home, their feet are dyed the same color as their socks! She says that he's probably going insane because he's having relationship issues with his wife. Y'know, because of the whole thing with the little boys that was all over the news last year? Oh, by the way, I think I saw him staring at you the other day. Anyway, that's her theory, but I think it's drugs. So, how has your day been?"

Ciel nibbled on his cheese sandwich and leaned his head on Sebastian's shoulder. "Fine."

"We played bingo in Italian class, and I answered a question for him in bio," Sebastian informed.

Alois gave Ciel a worried look. "How was that?"

Ciel smiled slightly. "It was okay. Sebastian was a lot of help."

The flamboyant teen gave a thumbs-up. "This relationship is Alois Trancy approved! You two have my full suppo- Ooh, it's Claude! I've gotta go talk to him!"

"I swear, that kid has the attention span of a fish," Sebastian muttered before turning to his boyfriend. "So, Ciel, I made a schedule that should give us a rough idea as to what the next few months will be like. I emailed Alois last night telling him to do the same thing, but knowing him, I doubt he actually did it." He pulled out a piece of paper and pointed to the first date at the top of the page. "This is about when we'll stop doing what we're doing right now. The next thing we're going to do actually applies only to Italian class. You know how Mr. Landers is always trying to get us to practice speaking Italian by repeating words, but nobody ever actually does it?"

Ciel nodded, already afraid of where this was going.

"Well," Sebastian continued,"we're going to create some sort of subtle signal, and whenever Mr. Landers asks us to repeat something, we'll say it together. We're also going to start doing a lot more practice outside of school. Is all of that alright with you?"

"Yeah," the freshman replied.

Sebastian smiled. "Great! I guess we should find Alois and ask him what his plans are, then." He looked around the room in search of the blond, who had somehow made his way not only to an entire cafeteria table full of seniors, but also onto Claude's lap (much to the latter's displeasure).

The sophomore raised an eyebrow. "On second thought... he seems a little busy..."

x o x o x o x

"Alright, take out your homework and turn to page 124 in your textbooks," the geometry teacher, Mr. Chamber, instructed. After the rustling of notebooks and folders had died down, he continued. "Okay, look at number 1. Can everyone please show me the value of "x" on their fingers?"

The class did so, and Mr. Chamber began embarrassing the less mathematically inclined students by informing them of their incorrectness.

"Ciel!" Alois hissed,"Ciel, why aren't you holding up any fingers?"

"What if I'm wrong?" Ciel whispered.

The little man-slut snatched the notebook from his friend's desk and read the answer written. "This is different than mine," he mumbled, before switching the number of fingers he was holding up.

Ciel's pulse quickened as his teacher's wandering eyes moved closer to Alois.

"Good, Peter. Nice job, Bard. No, Finnian."

He was getting closer. Just three people, two people, one person left.

"Mr. Trancy..."

Ciel held his breath in anticipation. He could have sworn that his heart was going to break his ribcage open as the long seconds of silence drew out.

"Great!"

"Told ya so," Alois mumbled just audibly enough for his friend to hear.

x o x o x o x

It was a well-known fact that Mondays were the bane of any teenager's existance. Ciel was no exception, of course, and going to visit a clinically insane therapist did nothing to brighten his dreary mood. As he sat in a chair just outside of Dr. Sutcliff's office, Ciel couldn't help but wonder what on Earth had possessed his parents to actually continue to bring him here. It was obvious that these torture sessions were doing nothing to improve his state.

"Good afternoon, Ciel!" the red-head greeted as he emerged from his lair,"Shall we get started?"

Ciel nodded, entered the small room, and sat in the large chair in the corner. 'Buy yourself a freaking couch,' he thought.

"How are you doing today?" the flamboyant therapist asked.

"I'm fine, thank you," the fourteen-year-old replied quietly.

"How has your week been?" Grell continued.

Ciel shrugged. "Good."

"What was good about it?" the unqualified doctor inquired.

'I dunno,' Ciel thought,'It's just sort of a default response. I mean, nothing bad happened... God, woman-man-thing, what do you want me to say?'

Dr. Sutcliff waited for a few more minutes before further prompting the clearly uncomfortable selectively mute. "Can you tell me one good thing and one bad thing?"

The freshman fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. 'I went out with my boyfriend over the weekend, but I'm pretty sure I bombed my geometry quarterly today.'

Grell pouted. "Nothing? Ciel, you're going to have to actually talk to me in order for this to work!"

"I...um..." he started,"I saw my boyfriend on Saturday."

Grell's face lit up. "Awwww! You have a boyfriend, too? What's he like? I'm sure he's adorable! Of course, not nearly as adorable as my Will! That's my boyfriend's name, by the way. Did you go to a movie? Or maybe out to dinner? Oh, Will and I ate lunch together today, and then we were both free for an hour, so we were talking in here, and one thing led to another, and...well, you might not want to touch any of the flat surfaces in here for a while... Anyway, I've been talking too much. Have I been talking too much? I guess I have. Anyway, Ciel, you still haven't told me something bad."

Ciel stared wide-eyed at his therapist with but two thoughts running through his brain. The first one being 'That's disgusting', and the second one being 'I completely and utterly loathe you.'

In fact, part of him hoped that Sebastian wouldn't succeed, if the credit would go to this loon.

x o x o x o x

A/N:

First of all, I'd like to wish you all a happy 11-11-11! I hope that everyone made a good wish at 11:11! My bio teacher yelled at us for looking at the clock, but I was able to make my wish secretly! :) Of course, I'm staying up to get my second one, too!

Sorry that this chapter was a little late! I decided that it was finally time to pick back up with my other story over in X/1999, not to mention that quarterlies were last week. Thank you all for being patient!

Asterisk Notes:

Mr. Kelvin: Baron Kelvin from the Noah's Ark Circus arc of the manga.

Wendy: One of the performers from the Noah's Ark Circus, along with Peter, but I forgot to put an asterisk my his name! ^.^

Review Replies:

Vampireninjagirl15: Thank you! (Yes, your review did make my day awesome!) Haha, yes, now you can impress all of your friends! You can walk up to a group of them and say "Ciao, ragazzi!" and they'll have no clue what you're talking about!

Promocat: Thanks so much! I'm very glad that this story is serving its purpose!

Clydell Humphries: Thank you! Yes, doesn't Grell just seem like the therapist type? Though I think that he may actually be in need of some therapy himself! XD

blackandwhite9321: Thank you so much! I'm glad that this story is making you so happy! :D

wishIwereanime: Oh, don't worry, I get what you mean! ^.^ Thank you very much for your reviews! I'll do my best to update more frequently!

SparklyGlitter: Thank you! Yes, that sounds exactly like SM. I hope this person doesn't get treated too harshly...

Jenmoon1: Thank you!

Chibi Moko-chan: *runs up in slo-mo and glomps as dramatic background music plays* Moko-chan! You have no idea how ridiculously excited I was when I opened the email and saw that the review was from you! XD Anyway, thank you very much! Haha, yes, it is pretty similar, but this one is more of a personal thing. Disorder was just for fun! (why is it that I can never say that word less than four times? Curse you, Rebecca Black! ;P) Ah, and on a side note, when did you turn to the Kuro side? I don't remember this from a year ago... Oh, and it's that time again: happy Sakurazukamori Awareness Month! X3

To my lovely and talented Nee-chan: I LOVE YOU! Seriously, though. Kuro side. It's the way to go. We have Yuya Matsushita and Yukito Nishii.

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	7. A Wonderful, Awful Idea

Okay, before I forget again, I do not own Kuroshitsuji!

Chapter 7- Sebastian's POV

The idea came to me on the morning of December first. I had been going through one of my mother's photo albums filled with pictures of my childhood when I stumbled upon a photograph from the year 2000- at least, that was what the lettering going across the bottom said. The picture was in an oval at the center of the glossy paper, and the background was a deep green. The border was striped like a candy cane, and the golden print read "Christmas 2000". Inside the ellipse were three people. One of them, I recognized as my five-year-old self, and another was four-year-old Ciel. The third person was a man in a red suit with a white beard: Santa Claus. Santa had one of us on each knee, but Ciel's little hand firmly grasped my jacket sleeve. His mouth was smiling, but his eyes displayed distress. Five-year-old me, on the other hand, was grinning ear-to-ear. The back of the picture had my mother's barely-legible cursive scratched onto it. "Sebby and Ciel meet Santa at the mall- December 13, 2000," I whispered (though it had taken me a good ten minutes to decide whether it said "the mall" or "K-Mart"). I smiled, remembering that day eleven years ago. That's when the idea hit me. It seemed crazy at first, and even as it became more rational in my mind, I still knew that Ciel would object. He did love shopping, though. Perhaps I could reward him with a trip to Dairy King* when our business had been attended to.

x o x o x o x

The drive to the mall was a short one, though it must have felt like an eternity to my mother, who was forced to listen to me and Ciel as we butchered all twelve days of Christmas.

As soon as we said our thank-yous and hopped out of the car, I took Ciel by the hand and began dragging him to our destination.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"It's a surprise," I replied playfully.

"What, are we going to sit on Santa's lap or something?" he said sarcastically.

I nodded. "Exactly!" By this time, we had reached our destination. The mall was not crowded on this particular day, so there were only a few screaming children in line in front of us.

I glanced at Ciel, who appeared to be quite nervous. "It's alright," I whispered, giving his hand a squeeze,"Santa's not going to hurt you."

He shot me a glare.

"Okay, it's your turn," the 'elf' told us.

Ciel tightened his grip on my hand and began cautiously making his way to where Father Christmas sat.

"Hello, young men!" Santa greeted,"What are your names?"

Ciel wore a look on his face that said "You're Santa. You should know."

"I'm Sebastian," I introduced.

"Ciel," he said quietly.

"And what do you want for Christmas?" the man in red continued.

I smiled. "All I want is for my boyfriend to be happy."

Ciel stared at the ground. Santa sat in his large chair smiling patiently, but the next child in line was beginning to throw a tantrum.

"I guess... maybe a new violin would be nice," he finally managed to mumble.

"Wonderful!" the man said, handing us each a candy cane,"Merry Christmas!"

Ciel walked away from the festive display briskly, and this time, I was the one being dragged.

He led me to the chocolate store."This is my reward for that torture," he stated,"You know how much I've always hated sitting on Santa's lap."

"It was good practice," I defended,"And we're not done yet. We're going to the food court now."

"What?" Ciel shrieked,"No! I'm not- Hey!"

Before he could finish posing his argument, I began to pull him away.

x o x o x o x

"Alright, what do you want?" I asked.

"Um..." Ciel looked around,"Uh..."

I chuckled. If there were a prize for being the most indecisive person in the world, it would undoubtedly go to Ciel. "How 'bout Chinese?" I suggested.

He nodded. "Alright."

We walked up to the China King*, and I nudged Ciel forward. "Go ahead and order," I said.

He stared at the menu for a moment before saying in what I imagine was the loudest voice he could muster,"Um... Could I have, uh, the lo mein and a peach iced tea, please?"

"Good job," I whispered, before ordering my own food.

We sat down at a small, round table and began eating. "You're doing really well today," I commented.

"Thanks," he muttered., clearly running out of energy after all of the talking I had forced him to do.

I frowned. "Tell me if I'm pushing you too hard, okay? I guess going to see Santa _was _a little much."

He looked up from his noodles and said,"No, it's okay. I'm just sort of running out of steam."

I grinned. "Well, I'm still sorry, and I'm not letting you order your own ice cream once we're done with lunch."

That beautiful smile of his graced his face as he thanked me.

"It's nothing," I replied,"I'm just one hell of a boyfriend."

x o x o x o x

With our meal from China King came a sizable mountain of fortune cookies. I was the first to select one, as Ciel did not believe in such things.

"All will go well with your new project," I read.

"In bed," Ciel added before taking a cookie from the pile and opening it. "Have a beautiful day in bed."

I rolled my eyes. "It is important to eat new things."

"In bed." It took a few moments of silence for he and I to understand the meaning of what he had said. These few moments were succeeded by a good five minutes of laughter.

Once we had calmed down, he opened his next cookie and smiled at the small slip of paper which had been extracted.

"What is it?" I asked.

He looked at me and read aloud,"An important person will offer you support."

I could feel a smile involuntarily spreading across my face. I leaned forward until my lips touched Ciel's. We stayed like that for a while, not moving, not breathing, simply enjoying one another, until Ciel pulled back for a moment and whispered,"In bed."

x o x o x o x

A/N:

Happy official holiday season, everyone! Unfortunately, I missed the one year mark of when I first learned about SM. It's somewhere in the twenties of November. Also, speaking of important dates, I will have officially been a member of the community for two years on the eighth! In other news, I just realized something recently: Sebastian's initials are SM, the same as the abbreviation for selective mutism! Rejoice, selectively mute Kuro fans everywhere! We are officially even more awesome!

Asterisk Notes:

*Dairy King: A sort of running joke based on Dairy Queen. It has appeared in three of my stories so far, including this one.

*China King: a Chinese restaurant which I do not own.

Review Replies:

**Clydell Humphries**: Thank you so much! I hope that I can continue to please you!

**Chibi Moko-chan**: Thank you very much! ...That's pretty much all I can say, since I already replied... *hugs*

**promocat**: Haha, yes. Alois is trying, anyway. I still have to figure out what to do with him for now...

: Really? Dude, you just made my life! Thank you for that information!

**3R**: Aw! I'm happy to help! Thanks for your review, and I'll see what I can do about giving Claude a bigger part! (I really hate him, though, so no promises.)

Chapter title: This chapter's title is based on a quote from the famous children's book "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" by Dr. Seuss.

To my Nee-chan: Thank you for being an awesome person...and we have British bishounen on the Kuro side. :3

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	8. Snow Globe

Chapter 8- Ciel's POV

It had been a tradition for as long as I could remember for

Sebastian's family to share Christmas dinner with mine. I dreaded

this event every year- even though I got to share my favorite

holiday with Sebastian, I was also forced to sit through hours of

grueling attempted small-talk with Mrs. Michaelis. Every other adult

in my life seemed to understand that I could not talk to them; Aunt

Anne was always extremely respectful, and Aunt Frances hated my guts

so much that she wouldn't even bother to speak to me, anyway. Uncle

Alexis was too busy fawning over my "cuteness" for me to get a

word in edgewise, even if I wanted to. Even Mr. Michaelis had always

made a point not to make me feel uncomfortable, and while I really

did love Sebastian's mom, she didn't seem to grasp the concept of

social anxiety. Whenever I saw her, she would ask me about life,

school, my family, and so on. When I didn't answer one question, she

would move onto another, as if she believed that one of her queries

would magically make me speak. I wished I could tell her that my

parents were already paying a therapist to make me feel

uncomfortable, so she didn't have to worry about filling the

position.

x

"Ciel!" my mother called,"Sebastian and his family will be

here soon! Could you come pick up your things in the living room?"

I groaned and paused my new video game before heading down the

stairs. I began picking up armfuls of gifts, along with the wrapping

paper that they had come in. I then deposited everything onto my

bedroom floor, as any teenager faced with the task of tidying up

would.

'You've known them for, what, twenty years?' I thought to

myself,'They aren't going to judge you based on the neatness of your

house.'

"They're here!" my father shouted, as if the echo of the

doorbell throughout the house wasn't enough of an indicator.

I slammed the door to my room shut and ran down the winding

staircase to meet our guests.

"Hey, Ciel!" Sebastian greeted.

"Hi!" I replied as we quickly embraced.

"Oh, Ciel, you've gotten so big!" Mrs. Michaelis gushed,

squeezing me in a suffocating hug.

I managed a small smile, but failed to make eye contact. 'I stopped

growing two years ago,' I thought,'I don't know what kind of

delusions you're having.'

Mr. Michaelis gave me a warm smile. I was thankful that he

understood both my dislike of being touched and inability to speak.

Our horribly long greetings made the casual Christmas dinner feel

like an Italian family gathering*. When we finally made it to the

dinner table, I tried to make my way to the chair between my mother

and Sebastian. Of course, my father took it. So, I settled for the

next best thing. However, as soon as I sat down beside my boyfriend,

his mother plopped down right beside me. I smiled awkwardly, but in

my head, I was screaming every curse word I knew.

"So, how's life, Ciel?" she asked.

This much, I could

handle. "Good," I mumbled.

She began dishing out mashed potatoes, and I thought that she was

finished talking to me. No such luck. "How's school going?"

I stared at my plate, which now had a generous portion of potatoes

on it. "Good," I said once again.

She smiled. "I hear Sebastian's in some of your classes this

year."

I nodded.

"Ah," she chuckled,"Still struggling with that anxiety

disorder, huh? Guess the flaming therapist isn't doing it for ya."

I giggled nervously. Just how much did Mrs. Michaelis know...?

"But I'm sure you'll get over it somehow!" she continued,"You

just need to find the right person, that's all!"

Sebastian reached for my hand under the table and gave it a squeeze.

'Oh, I have,' I thought,'I have."

x

"Sorry about my mom," Sebastian said as he and I settled down on

the couch to watch "Elf".

I shrugged. "It's fine; I'm sort of used to it by now. Besides,

it's good practice, right? I mean, it's much easier to talk to your

mom than some random fake Santa who they probably just pulled off the

street."

Sebastian laughed. "I'm still sorry about that!"

I smiled innocently. "Well, I've already forgiven you, but if you

really insist on repenting..."

Sebastian moved away from me, looking scared. I pounced on him,

knowing his single weakness. I got to work, and he squirmed beneath

me, laughing and gasping and begging me to stop.

Yes, Sebastian Michaelis was extremely ticklish.

Unfortunately, so was I. He was quickly able to flip our positions,

leaving me giggling like a little girl as his fingers grazed all of

my most ticklish areas.

"Stop!" I shrieked between peels of laughter,"Not the neck! I

h-" I giggled for a minute,"I—I hate you!"

Finally, I was able to flip our positions again. However, instead

of resuming our tickle fight, I relaxed and snuggled into his chest.

He wrapped his arms around me and moved my hair away from my azure

eyes. Then, he touched his lips to mine, and Buddy the Elf was all

but forgotten.

x

At last, the exhausting night had come to a close. Saying goodbye

was always easier for me, since waving was a much more acceptable way

to say it than smiling was to say "hello".

"It was fun," Sebastian said, handing me a small package,"Buona

notte, Ciel."

I took the gift, which was surprisingly heavy, and gave one to him

in return. "'Night, Sebastian. I love you."

He smiled. "I love you, too."

Once they had left, I returned to the couch and began tearing at the

blue wrapping paper covering Sebastian's gift. Inside was a

beautiful snow globe. The base was a lovely silver set with blue

stones. Inside of the glass orb was a winter scene of a gorgeous,

elaborate mansion. When the silver key on the bottom was turned, it

played a music box version of Your Guardian Angel*. Inscribed on one

the side were lyrics to the song.

"'I will never let you fall. I'll stand up with you forever.'

For Ciel. With love, Sebastian."

"Thank you, Sebastian," I whispered,"Thank you for

everything."

x

A/N:

Yaaaay~! I was able to put so much fluff into this chapter! X3

I know I've already done something for the holidays, but I really

wanted to highlight what people with selective mutism go through in

situations like the one in this chapter. It's a pretty big thing

during this time of year. I know it happens to me; I go to see all

of these people who I've known for so long and love very much, but

it's hard to talk to them. I was very happy this past Thanksgiving,

because I had a small conversation with my aunt. I hope that I can

continue to become more confident! Thank you, everyone; I never

would have been able to make it this far without your support!

Asterisk Notes:

*Italian family gatherings: Have any of you ever been to one? It

takes ten minutes just to get in the door, then it takes half an hour

to leave, because you have to go around the whole party saying

goodbye to people you've never even seen before.

*Your Guardian Angel: An absolutely gorgeous song by the Red Jumpsuit

Apparatus. I know, I use it too much. Way too much.

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	9. Social Anxiety According to Alois Trancy

Chapter 9

_Alois,_

_Do you think you could write a report documenting changes that you've noticed in Ciel anxiety-wise between when he first told you about his SM and now? I'd like to see how much he's improving. Thanks!_

_-Sebastian_

Alois groaned and closed his laptop. Leave it to Sebastian to ruin his two hours of leisure subsequent to writing a five-page essay by giving him more homework. "What am I even supposed to write about?" he whispered to himself. "This is way harder than my English assignment..."

x o x o x o x

_ I can't say that I was surprised when Ciel told me about his anxiety disorder. Slightly taken aback, maybe, but not surprised. It was that feeling that you get when someone tells you something that you totally expected, but somehow, it shocks you anyway. I can't say that that's the first time Ciel has given me that feeling, either. I knew that he deserved you; you were childhood friends, after all. I had known from the very beginning that you liked each other, but I couldn't help but be enthralled with him. He has such beautiful cerulean eyes, a hauntingly gorgeous smile, and he smells like gingerbread men. There isn't a thing about him that isn't attractive, aside from his love for someone else. He's a perfect being, though. Perfect beings find other perfect beings, and I know all too well that I don't fit that description._

_ Argh! There I go again! I have GOT to stop abusing the word "perfect"! And maybe I should pull myself out of the Sea of Self Pity while I'm at it..._

_ Anyway, back to the topic at hand. _

_ Maybe that feeling was more a sense of guilt than anything else. I _have_ been using him as a personal therapist for the past four years, after all._

_ Maybe that was a bad idea. Whoops!_

_ Anyway, I_'_m supposed to write about Ciel's progress, right? Well, here we go, I guess. I haven't really seen any significant changes in history class, but he has shown signs of improvement in English and math. I've already told you about the thing that Chamber does when he checks the homework, right? Well, anyway, I used to have to steal Ciel's paper and hold up his answers instead of mine, but recently, he's been doing it on his own. He's definitely growing more confident! Have you noticed?_

_ Also, I noticed something HUGE in English the other day! Aberline asked a painfully easy question that nobody knew the answer to, which happens all the time. After a couple minutes of people throwing out horribly incorrect guesses, I noticed that Ciel's hand was hovering slightly above its place in his lap. He was shaking, and it didn't make it all the way up, but he was thinking about it! Isn't that exciting? We're definitely making some progress!_

_ Okay, Luca wants me to bake cookies with him, so I'll have to wrap this up pretty quickly. Let's see... what else? Did you know that Ciel is afraid to friend people on Facebook? I found that kind of interesting. Also, I'm pretty sure that his horrible indecisiveness has something to do with his anxiety. I did some research on SM, and it turns out that it's possible that he's actually capable of making decisions fairly quickly. The problem is that he can't say what he's decided. It's like if you set two bowls of ice cream in front of him, one chocolate and one vanilla, and told him to choose one. He'll immediately choose vanilla, but he won't be able to tell you that. Of course, there's always the chance that he actually is just super indecisive. Judging from the way he acts when faced with a decision, I highly doubt it, but you never know~!_

_ Well, that's just about all I have to say, so I guess I'll wrap up here. Thanks for the extra hour of homework. Jerk._

x o x o x o x

"Sebastiaaaaaaaaan!"

Alois ran down the sophomore hallway to Sebastian's locker, excitedly waving a pile of pink papers above his head.

"I did it!" he informed, handing the sizable stack to his friend,"Are you proud of me?"

"Immensely," Sebastian replied monotonously as he began reading over Alois' work.

Said freshman leaned against a locker and let out a contented sigh as his vermillion-eyed friend smiled slightly at the paper.

"I did a good job, right?" Alois asked.

Sebastian gave the blond a smirk. "Gingerbread men? Really, Alois?"

The school gossip shrugged. "Hey, I'm just voicing my opinion."

Sebastian shoved the pink papers into his backpack. "It's sad to say, but your little confession was the most well-written part of the whole two pages. Shame, because you've set up camp in the friend zone, pal. Better get comfortable, too, 'cause you're trapped."

Alois pouted. "Hey, I'm pretty much over Ciel now! Besides, I've got-"

"Who's over me now?" Ciel's voice came from behind Sebastian.

"Oh, hi, Ciel!" the sophomore greeted,"Our little Trancy friend here was just professing his undying love for you."

"Very funny," the selective mute said sarcastically.

"W—well, I've gotta go find Claude!" the extremely flustered Alois said before sprinting away.

"What was that all about?" Ciel asked.

Sebastian was silent for a moment, a look of intense concentration displayed on his face. "...You _do_ smell like gingerbread men..."

x o x o x o x

"Gooooooood afternoon, Ciel!" Dr. Sutcliff greeted,"How has your week been?"

"Fine, thank you," the azure-eyed boy replied quietly; he had decided weeks ago to stop saying "good" as to avoid further questioning.

Grell smiled. "Lovely! Can you tell me something exciting that happened this week?"

No response.

"Anything at all?" the redhead urged,"It doesn't have to be something big."

Ciel stared at the carpet and shrugged.

"Okay..." Dr. Sutcliff thought for a moment. "Can you tell me how school is going?"

'It's fine,' the teen thought,'My grades are pretty good, aside from that freaking class participation grade. My teachers are all pretty nice, too, even though Annafellows' tests make me want to die.'

"Still nothing?" the therapist complained,"You know, you're going to have to talk to me eventually."

'I would if I could,' Ciel thought, fidgeting with a loose thread on his coat.

Grell sighed. "It almost seems like you don't _want_ to talk."

These words set off a fuse in the boy's mind. The selective mute closed his eyes, trying his best to contain his anger. 'That's what everyone says. It's _not_ a choice, I'm _not_ doing it to get attention, and I _don't_ want it to be like this anymore! I do wish that it were different, but I'm too scared to even help myself. It's a physical incapability, Dr. Sutcliff. It has nothing to do with desires.'

He longed to say those words out loud. Not only to his therapist, but to everyone who had ever asked him why he didn't speak. Every classmate who chuckled when he was called on. Every immature girl who whispered and stared. He wanted everyone to know what was really going on beneath the exterior of the "shy kid". And yet, even when given a perfect opportunity such as this to express his feelings, he found himself unable to say one word. He was continually failing himself and everyone who was trying to help him. Dr. Sutcliff, his parents, his teachers, and worst of all, Sebastian.

'I'm sorry,' he thought,'But I still can't do it.'

x o x o x o x

A/N: Oh, the angst! I haven't gotten really in-depth about Ciel's feelings for quite a while, so when I finally did in that paragraph at the end of the chapter, I found myself tearing up! (Okay, that's probably because it was 1 in the morning, but still.)

Review Replies:

**CherryFlavouredPoison**: Uh oh... I'll pay to get it filled! ;) Yeah, gatherings like that sure are... interesting. I'm glad that I got to stay home this year and eat tofurkey! Yum... :D

**Clydell Humphries**: I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thank you!

**promocat**: Thank you! Angst must always be balanced out with fluff! :D

**ladyblanc**: Thanks! That was definitely my favorite part to write!

**Obscurity Within Mercy**: Thank you so much!

**Chibi Moko-chan**: Thank you! And yes, I agree! I wish he were my boyfriend... :)

Well, that's just about it for this chapter! Thank you for reading!

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	10. Scratch

Chapter 10

"Good morning, class!" Miss Annafellows greeted as she made her way from her desk to the front of the classroom.

"Good morning," several of the more enthusiastic students echoed.

Ciel turned his head toward the front of the room and subconsciously shrunk down in his seat as Miss Annafellows began pulling up her powerpoint.

"Ciel," Sebastian whispered,"Sit up straight. You'll get scoliosis."

The freshman glared at his boyfriend and begrudgingly adjusted his posture, only to slump right back down as soon as the teacher addressed the class again.

"Today, we're going to continue discussing photosynthesis. Please get your notebooks out," the white-haired teacher instructed.

The teens did as they were told, and the unbearably boring lecture commenced. The smell of ink slowly filled the room as Miss Annafellows droned on about photosystems, ATP synthase, and other things which would never be of any use to anyone but aspiring biology teachers.

At last, a freshman by the name of Finnian raised his hand to ask a question of the idiotic and barely relevant variety, as all of his questions seemed to be.

"Um..." he started,"So, this autotroph and heterotroph stuff... that's like the food chain, right?"

'Way to re-teach us what we learned in third grade, Finny,' Ciel thought.

Miss Annafellows smiled. "That's right, Finnian! Autotrophs are at the bottom of the food chain, followed by hetero-"

"And we're at the top, right?" obnoxious sophomore Bardroy interrupted,"'Cause we can eat whatever we want."

"Hey!" Elizabeth, proud vegetarian, shrieked,"You think that animals are just there for us to eat? You know, humans weren't designed for hunting. We don't have claws or fangs or-"

Bard rolled his eyes. "We're intelligent enough to make tools, you dumb-"

"Quiet, both of you!" Miss Annafellows yelled. "You're both correct," she then continued more calmly,"The ability to use tools is an adaptation, Bardroy. Human's can't kill animals like carnivores can."

"Yeah, we use factory farms," Lizzy cut in,"Do you know what they do to the cows?"

'No!' Ciel thought,'Shut up, Lizzy!'

Elizabeth, whose telepathic ability was zero, continued. "They slit their throats, right through their blood vessels and everything! Then, they hang them upside down until everything is drained out, and they take what's left and eat it!"

Ciel brought a hand to his mouth, forcing his lunch to stay in his stomach.

"Not only that," the blond continued,"But they take chickens through a conveyor belt and chop their heads off! They don't die right away, either!"

Ciel squeezed his eyes shut and dug his nails into his arms.

"Alright, Miss Middleford, that's enough," Miss Annafellows said.

Ciel relaxed.

"You're not entirely correct, either," the biology teacher continued, receiving an angry pout from the blond,"Does anyone know why we have canine teeth?" A brief pause. "...Mr. Phantomhive?"

Ciel looked up, his eyes wide. "Um..." He began, idly scratching at his arm. "For... for meat, right?"

Sebastian stared in shock at the younger teen.

Miss Annafellows smiled. "That's correct! Wonderful, Mr. Phantomhive!"

Ciel stared back down at the blue and white linoleum tiles on the floor. His nails continued dragging up and down the now pinkish patch on his upper arm, and as his eyes focused on the floor, the tiles became fuzzy.

'Oh, God. I'm going to faint,' he thought. His free hand found its way to Sebastian's sleeve and clung to it. He knew that he should have left the room during Lizzy's factory farming tirade, but he knew just as well that he wouldn't have been able to ask, even if he had thought of it at the time.

'Just close your eyes and wait for the adrenaline to subside,' he told himself,'Gah, I can't feel my legs. SM sucks.'

Ciel managed to remain conscious long enough for his heart rate to return to normal. Unfortunately, his still rapidly vibrating right hand was of little to no use for note taking for the rest of the period.

x o x o x o x

"What was that?" Sebastian inquired as he and Ciel walked away from the bio lab.

The shorter male shrugged. "Well... you know how I am with blood and stuff. Lizzy's rant alone made me feel sick. But, of course, Annafellows just _had_ to call on me, and even though I spoke, I didn't feel any different. In fact, if anything, it was worse than usual."

Sebastian frowned. "Ciel, would you stop scratching at your arm like that?" He pulled the younger boy's hand away from the red patch of skin and lifted up the opposite arm to examine the damage. "I thought you quit this habit back when you were in third grade!" he scolded,"I know it's a result of your anxiety, but you're going to give yourself scars again." He touched the patch of skin lightly.

Ciel hissed at the stinging pain and pulled his arm out of Sebastian's grasp. "Don't touch it!"

"Maybe _you_ should stop clawing at it," Sebastian retorted,"You know as well as I do how sensitive your skin is. If you don't cover that thing up, it's going to get infected."

"If by 'covering it up', you mean going to the nurse's office, then it's not happening," the selective mute stated.

"Don't be difficult, Ciel," Sebastian replied,"Would you rather I taped a sanitary napkin to your arm?"

Ciel rolled his eyes. "You're a guy. Where are you even going to _get _a-"

"Hey, Lizzy, could you come here for a sec?" Sebastian called as Elizabeth conveniently passed by.

The azure-eyed boy groaned. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me."

x o x o x o x

"I'm home!" Ciel announced as he passed through the large door of the Phantomhive residence.

"Welcome home, Ci- Um, Ciel? What's that on your arm?" Rachel asked, though the rational part of her already knew the answer to her inquiry.

"Sebastian's version of a makeshift band-aid," Ciel replied, blushing,"He borrowed it from Lizzy. Please help me get it off."

Rachel nodded and began assisting Ciel in picking away at the masking tape holding the pad on the boy's thin arm.

'_Congratulations, Sebastian,_' Ciel texted with his free hand,'_You have hereby succeeded in ridding my upper arm of all hair. Would it have killed you to use Scotch tape?_'

By the time he sent the message, the sanitary napkin had been removed, leaving Rachel to stare disappointedly at the wound.

She exited the room for a brief moment and reappeared with a box of band-aids. As she prepared all of the completely unnecessary disinfecting procedures that mothers always go through, her lecture began. "Have you been scratching again? You know that's not good for you. You already have sensitive skin, and this kind of wound gets infected so easily!"

'Did Sebastian send her a script or something?' Ciel thought.

"Do you have any idea what kind of crap is underneath those nails of yours?" she continued,"I know it's the anxiety, but can't you use a stress ball, or...something that won't result in you being hospitalized?"

Ciel sighed. "I'm not gonna be hospitalized, Mom."

Rachel finished applying the industrial sized band-aid to her son's arm and stood up, taking the small box with her. She then left to return it to the medicine cabinet.

"By the way, Ciel," she called from the kitchen,"I got an email from Mr. Landers today."

Ciel's heart dropped. "What did he say?"

Rachel chuckled. "It said something like,'Dear Mrs. Phantomhive: I would like to inform you that your son, Ciel, has not been speaking in class.' You know, I've gotten that same message from different teachers every year since you were in kindergarten. Honestly, how stupid do they think I am? I mean, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that you're not much of a talker."

Ciel groaned. His mother had been getting emails from teachers_ every year_? Her inbox was probably full of messages reminding her of her son's failures. She must have been so ashamed reading those messages. Ashamed...and in pain.

Ciel decided right then and there that he had to put an end to his selective mutism by the end of the school year. Before his mother received another email from one of his teachers, and certainly before he was forced to have another feminine hygiene product strapped to his arm.

x o x o x o x

A/N: Hope you enjoyed the awkward comic relief! :D Also, I apologize profusely for the little factory farming blurb. Trust me: I found it just as disgusting as you did, especially since everything I wrote is true. I learned the cow thing during the discussion in history class which that section was based on. I was told about the chicken conveyor during a discussion about factory farming with my sister and mother, which was abruptly stopped after this topic was brought up, because I started crying.

Writing this chapter was really fun, because pretty much everything was sort of dramatized reality. Obviously the bit about the pad was made up for comedic purposes, but I actually did claw at my arms like Ciel when I was little. Well, not just my arms. Also my ankles, my neck, my hands... I even did it to the inside of my right elbow once. As you can imagine, that was extremely painful.

Review Replies:

**CherryFlavouredPoison**: Oh, you can thank my sister for the gingerbread man line! Two words: direct quote. ^.^ Thanks so much for your review!

**Clydell Humphries**: Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying the story!

**NikaStarlight**: No, I've never heard that song before! But, as a wise timespace witch known as Yuko Ichihara once said,"There is no such thing as coincidence; only hitsuzen." I shall look it up right away! :D

**Bocchan823**: Indeed. I always feel bad doing this stuff to him!

**ST3PH3Nii3**: Aw, thank you so much! I think you're amazing, too, for writing that epic review on the teeny iTouch keyboard! I don't even like typing URLs on mine! I don't even know how I can reply to all of this... I'll just sum it up by saying that you made me SO happy with your epic review, and I will definitely work Eric and Alan in again! :3

**promocat**: I'm just trying to bring out the sweet kid we all know is there under all of the bratiness! Alois intrigues me so much, so I wanted to write about him the way I interpret his character. I'm just glad my portrayal is so well-received! Thank you very much!

: Thank you so much! I hope that my writing continues to please you!

Wow... chapter 10 already? :o Thank you to everyone who gave me the support I needed to make it this far! Those who alerted, favorited, and especially my beloved reviewers, I'm so grateful to you all! This story got as many reviews in ten chapters as my previous multi-chapter got in eighteen... that makes me so happy!

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	11. Recommendation

Chapter 11

"It's that time of year again!" Miss Annafellows announced to her classroom full of half-asleep teenagers. "I'm going to be giving you your course recommendations today. Please sit quietly and work on the questions on page 124 of your textbook while I talk with each of you privately. If you don't finish, it's homework. Alright, let's get started. I'll call you up alphabetically."

The students begrudgingly set to work as the first student made his way to the front of the room.

Ciel stared intensely at the first question. 'Where does the Krebs Cycle take place?' He knew that the answer was somewhere in the dark recesses of his memory, but cellular respiration was just about the furthest thing from his mind at that moment. There was but one question weighing on his mind, and it had nothing to do with the affairs of his cells' mitochondria. Where was Miss Annafellows going to place him? He hoped that she would have more sense than his middle school teachers, or at least enough sense to know that an inability to speak and a lack of mental capacity were two entirely different issues.

The seconds of anticipation turned to gruelingly long minutes as Ciel's peers were summoned one by one to receive their judgment. Humphries, Kelvin, Michaelis, Middleford... At last, it was his turn.

"Mister Phantomhive," the biology teacher called.

Ciel took a deep breath and made his way to Miss Annafellows' desk. She smiled at him upon his arrival and motioned for him to sit down.

"Ciel," she started,"Let's see... you got a 90 last marking period in this class, but your math scores aren't looking quite as good."

He stared at the ground, shoulders tense and heart palpitating.

"You don't really participate much in class, either." What an understatement that was. "I don't know if I want to place you in a higher-level class. There's a lot of math involved in chemistry, and you're going to have to ask a lot of questions."

'Who cares?' Ciel thought. 'I can do the freaking work, can't I? If I'm getting an A in your class, then why would you even hesitate to place me higher up? Don't underestimate me, Annafellows.'

"Because of the talking issue, I think I'm going to have to place you in academic. Is that alright with you?"

'Wait, wait, wait!' he yelled in his mind,'This class is too easy for me, and you want me to move... down? I think you've got it backwards, woman. You wouldn't judge a sloth on his ability to sprint, so why are you judging a mute on his ability to speak?'

"That's fine," he said.

"Alright, well just come and talk to me if you have any problem with it," the bio teacher said.

Ciel nodded. 'Yeah, right,' he thought.

The grueling conference was finally over, and it was Eric's turn to learn his fate. Ciel sat down and resumed his work, thoroughly reading through his notes and writing intricate answers as to keep his mind off of what his teacher had told him. The overwhelming feelings of anger and sadness swirled around in his head. He had to get this off of his chest, so he did the only thing he could think of. He took Sebastian's open notebook and wrote in big letters "Meet me in the bathroom at 11:50. Love, Ciel".

x o x o x o x

Sebastian opened the door to the bathroom to find his boyfriend gazing into the mirror and fixing his hair.

"Hey there," he said.  
>Ciel turned his head, slightly startled. "Hey."<p>

"So," the older male made his way to where the sapphire-eyed boy stood. "Why did you want to meet me here? Is it because of Annafellows' recommendations?"

The selective mute nodded. "She wants to put me in academic chemistry... because I don't talk."

Sebastian glared. "That imbecile. Aren't you getting, like, a 95 in that class? She should be moving you up, not down! Moron..."

"I hate her," Ciel said quietly,"I hate everyone who's ever judged me based on my inability to speak. I hate not being able to talk, and I hate how people perceive me because of it. Why can't anyone see beyond the silence? I do want to talk. I want it more than anything in the world." He attempted to blink his tears away, but despite his efforts, they erupted from his eyes. "I don't want to be afraid anymore."

Sebastian embraced his boyfriend. "You've made so much progress within the past few months, Ciel. You're going to be able to speak freely soon."

"I don't know if I can do it," Ciel sobbed. "Sure, I spoke in bio, but where do I go from there? I'm terrified of raising my hand, not to mention that I still freeze up most of the time when they call on me. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. He released Ciel from the hug and put his hands on the boy's thin shoulders. "Can you really not see what I see? Ciel, I don't think you realize how proud I am of you. You've come so far from that little boy who wouldn't make eye contact with the ice cream man. You responded when you were called on, you greeted my mother last time you went to my house, and you only said "Um"twice when we went to lunch on Saturday. If that's not progress, then I don't know what is. Annafellows is just an idiot. You can get your parents to override her recommendation. You're the smartest person I know, Ciel. You don't belong in academic chemistry, and your not talking shouldn't keep you from reaching your full potential."

"Thank you," Ciel whispered.

Sebastian smirked. "Not at all. I'm just one hell of a boyfriend."

x o x o x o x

_Ciel- I had to run some errands, and it's taking longer than expected. Could you get Sebastian to take you to therapy today? Love you! -Mom_

Ciel turned to Sebastian, with whom he was walking home. "Hey... you have your license, right?"

The sophomore nodded. "Why?"

Ciel held up his phone, and Sebastian read the text.

"Ah, so I finally get to meet the infamous Dr. Sutcliff?" The ebony-haired teen smiled. "This should be interesting. Come on this way, Ciel. My mom won't mind if I borrow the car."

x o x o x o x

Sebastian had never been to a therapist's office before. Part of him had been expecting a room full of visibly troubled teenagers and their frazzled parents waiting for their turn with the horribly strange therapist with nothing better to do than stare at each other awkwardly. What he found beyond the door in the cherry-scented lobby, however, was a regular waiting room. Chairs lined the walls, magazines sat on a wooden table, and the radio was playing number one hits from the 80's. A bookshelf stocked with toys leaned against the wall, and three small children ran about the room with a toy dump truck and a few plastic farm animals. Two adults, presumably their parents, quietly read magazines as their children played.

All in all, it was strangely normal.

Sebastian, however, was smarter than to believe for a second that this place was normal. If he had learned anything at all during his sixteen years on Earth, it was that anything that seemed normal from the outside was always incurably wacked up on the inside. Of course, he realized that his suspicions had been correct the second Dr. Sutcliff emerged from his office.

"Good afternoon, Ciel!" the redhead greeted. "Are you rea- Oh, my! Who's this cutie?"

Sebastian smiled and extended his hand. "I'm Ciel's boyfriend, Sebastian Michaelis."

"Well, aren't you just adorable?" Grell pinched Sebastian's cheek so hard that the teen could feel the muscle tissues in his face slowly dying. "Do you mind if I call you Bassy?"

Sebastian rubbed the side of his face. "It's a little-"

"Lovely!" the therapist cut off. "Now, come on into my office, Ciel. Bassy, you can come, too!"

Before either boy could protest, Dr. Sutcliff had already begun to drag them back to his lair by their arms.

"I've got an idea!" he said before leaning out of the open door and calling,"Ronnie! Be a dear and fetch Will for me."

"Got it, Dr. Sutcliff!" came a young voice's response.

The deranged doctor returned to his chair and began chattering about something that both Sebastian and Ciel managed to tune out.

'He's so annoying!' Sebastian thought. 'How does Ciel stand it?'

Ciel turned to his boyfriend. "My life is a living-"

"Hello, Dr. Sutcliff," a monotonous voice said. Upon turning to face the door, Sebastian and Ciel found that this cold voice was attached to a similarly cold man. He had harsh eyes and neatly slicked back hair, and he wore a suit which looked as if it had been dry cleaned twice in a row and ironed to death.

"Will!" Grell squealed excitedly. "I just wanted to introduce you to my cute little patient, Ciel Phantomhive, and his adorable boyfriend!"

Ciel stared back and forth between Grell and William with but one thought going through his head: 'How?'

Will stared intensely back at Ciel thinking absolutely nothing about Sebastian, but instead trying to find a single feature on the young boy that was even remotely masculine.

"It's very nice to meet you," Will finally said. "Now, if that will be all, perhaps you should get back to work, Dr. Sutcliff. Honestly... do you really want even more overtime?" And with that, he took his leave.

"Isn't he just drop-dead gorgeous?" Grell gushed,"I mean, he seems pretty mean at work, but when we're alone, he's such a hopeless romantic! Why, just the other night..."

Ciel looked over at Sebastian and made a face that said "Please stop him", but his boyfriend appeared to be disturbingly interested in the man's story. Had Ciel been able to talk, he would have stopped Grell there. He would have politely interrupted and reminded the therapist why he was sitting in that torture chamber of an office. They would have gotten back on track, and he would have been spared the gory details of the previous night.

But he couldn't, so he wasn't.

x o x o x o x

A/N:

Abrupt endings FTW! Not to mention that I summoned the OOC fairy for this chapter...

I'm sorry, guys! XP It's almost been a month, hasn't it? I've been so busy lately! Also, my brother has discovered Minecraft. This may be the last time I ever use the computer.

I really don't have a ton to say about this chapter. I do need to explain the class leveling, though, since I'm pretty sure it's different everywhere. In my school district, there are four levels: basic, academic, honors, and then there's that level for the smart people- even though it's called something different everywhere, I know you all know what I'm talking about. So, for someone like Ciel with above-honors capabilities, getting an academic recommendation is like a slap in the face.

(Annafellows seems pretty weird, right? Well, here's a fun little secret: MY BIO TEACHER DID THE EXACT SAME THING. Non mi piace la mia professoressa di biologia.)

Also, I have to clear some things up before somebody flames me about them. I know that Ciel was all determined last chapter. The whole going back and forth between being determined and discouraged is actually something that I've experienced a lot during my battle with SM. Also, even though Ciel's improvement is clear to Sebastian and all of us, Ciel himself can't see it. Again, personal experience.

Review Replies:

CherryFlavouredPoison: Oh, my... After I payed for your cavity you just go and die like that? Perhaps I can get a refund from the dentist and use the money for the funeral. ;) Haha! I'm glad you like my awkward sense of humor!

PennyBlu: Thanks so much! I"m glad you liked it!

Bocchan832: I agree- I hated writing that part! That's the kind of thing I always skip over when I read fanfics.

ladyblanc: Haha, you may have to ask their parents about that! XD

promocat: Well, it has more to do with the fact that he's getting a little more bold. :D

Clydell Humphries: Thank you so much!

Nikki: Really? I'm so happy that I was able to do that! Hopefully you understand your friend a little better now, too! :D

Obscurity Within Mercy: I sure hope it gets more interesting... I'll do my best!

Now I'd like to try something that I've never really done before. I always do review replies, but I want to give some credit to the beautiful people who favorited/alerted, too. So, here's a full list of favoriters and alerters up to this point, because I love you guys, too!

Hyper Kid007, pbub2, Vampireninjagirl15, promocat, justfalling, isthisparadise, Jenmoon1, , Donttell, PinkXRomance, douxgirl96, , xLitva, neoncherries, MCRxRoxx, Ravenpuff, FanofBellaandEdward, ComputerGeek, zx14ninja, HarleyDavidsonGal, BBFlute, It's Me Not You, wishIwereanime, RoseLady, MariashaAziza-ShadowShiva, AkumadeHana, Sailor Dying-Will, blackandwhite9321, darksinfulwolf, CherryFlavouredPoison, Evil-Meaghan, Clydell Humphries, CuteKuriboh, SparklyGlitter, LadyZuRii, Shiorifox32, Chibi Moko-chan, xXWhite ButterflyXx, 3R, ThE-faInTinG-faNGirl, shewolfspirit, Obscurity Within Mercy, btamamura, Rain Megami, Nika Starlight, ladyblanc, Inopportune Opportunist, ..3000, Toraberushi Meriemu, the sugar-crazed alchemist, Bocchan832, ST3PH3Nii, xXPolkaFizzXx, MiramelRose, Shotguner159, PepSquee777, StuckOnIdeas4PenNames, AnimeLuver515, jisko2ijsko, angel1210005, TheLadyBluebird, nezushi, PennyBlu, beautiful crime, Joslyn Areena

The ultimate game of Where's Waldo: can you find your name? :D

Wow. Five pages of awesomeness. Five. Pages.

*dies*

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	12. Visit

Chapter 12- Ciel's POV

Homeroom was always one of my least favorite parts of the day. Despite it being so short compared to my other class periods, it was twenty minutes of pure, unadulterated torture. The horrible seating arrangement created by the clinically insane Mr. Keinz had me not only wedged between Lizzy and the loud-mouthed Ronald Knox, but directly behind the Kelvin sisters, two of the many adoptive children of the perverted band director.

Sitting down-wind of Beast Kelvin and her suffocating old lady perfume was probably an equivalent of Hell. Beast was the class slut, and though Alois continually joked about "Beast" being some kind of stripper alias, neither of us really wanted to think about what kind of activities could earn a girl such a nickname. It was a wonder to me how she and her younger sister could even live under the same roof, let alone get along. Doll Kelvin and I had been good friends in elementary school. She liked to play with boys; namely, me and Sebastian. However, like most females, she wasn't a huge fan of Alois, so she detached herself from us when he moved to our neighborhood. She was a reserved, polite girl; the polar opposite of Beast. We still spoke sometimes, which would all be fine and well if it weren't for her persistent crush on me.

Beast's stench and Doll's continuous staring were enough to drive any person mad, but when coupled with Lizzy's overexcited squeaking, it was a wonder I had made it beyond the first week of school. I simply didn't understand how any teenager could have even an ounce of energy at 7:25 in the morning, and yet the blond somehow came to school perky each and every day. I often wondered if she even noticed that everyone else was either studying, sleeping, or eating.

As I sat in my homeroom contemplating all of the reasons why I loathed it, Mr. Keinz called my name, reminding me of the most prominent reason for hating it.

"Ciel," he said, pronouncing my name so horribly wrong that it sounded like nails on a chalkboard.

'I'm not an adorable aquatic mammal, you dunce,' I thought to myself before squeaking out a "Here."

"You should correct him," Lizzy whispered. "I thought you hated it when people butchered your name, and yet you've let him do it all year."

I rolled my eyes. Was it so difficult to grasp the concept of mutism?

x o x o x o x

"Cieeeeeeel!" I heard an all too familiar voice call.

"Hey, Alois," I replied, turning around too quickly for him to choke me with one of his lethal hugs. "What's up?"

He smiled at me evilly, as if he was about to say something that I wouldn't like.

Which he did.

"Hey, how'd you like to come over to my house for dinner tonight?" he offered.

"Will your parents be home?" I immediately asked.

He pouted. "Ciel, you're so stubborn! Why do you think I'm doing this? Come on. Sebastian's going to yell at me if I don't do something to help you soon! It'll be okay. I mean, my dad won't even be home. We don't have to linger at the table or anything. I swear, it'll be really quick. Then we can go about our business. Come on, Cieeeel! You can sleep over if you want, too! We can talk and play video games and eat junk food! It'll be fun!"

"Fine," I said, realizing that resistance was futile. "But you'd darn well better have some good junk food."

x o x o x o x

Walking into the Trancy home was like stepping into a foreign country. Not only was Alois's house a carbon copy of every other house within a five mile radius, but the inside looked as if it had never been touched before. I knew that mothers always liked their houses to be clean for company, but when it looked like nobody lived there, it was nothing short of uncomfortable.

"Hi, Ciel!" An excited Alois bounded down the beige-carpeted staircase, his socked feet miraculously not slipping out from under him.

I smiled. "Hi."

"Alois, honey!" a feminine voice called from the dining room. "Is Ciel here?"

"Yeah, Mom," Alois confirmed.

"Alright!" his mother replied. "Dinner will be ready soon."

My friend grabbed my hand. "Come this way," he instructed, leading me to a very stereotypical room with beige wall-to-wall carpeting and white, leather chairs. "Sit down."

I did as I was told. Mere moments after I was comfortably seated, a little red-headed boy came running into the room.

"Who's this, big brother?" he asked, his giant eyes staring at me. "Is it your girlfriend?"

"No, Luca, I-" Alois tried to protest.

"She's pretty!" the boy, presumably "Luca", said enthusiastically.

"Luca, this is-" Alois tried again.

"You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend, big brother!" Luca continued. "What's her name?"

Alois knelt down and covered his brother's mouth. "This is Ciel. _He_ is my friend from school."

Luca's eyes widened. He stared at me in disbelief. "You're... a boy?"

"Yes," I confirmed, hoping that hearing my voice would be enough to fully convince the little boy of my gender.

Unfortunately, Luca just laughed and turned back to Alois. "No, she's not, silly!"

Alois gave me a look of desperation. "Sorry about him," he apologized, scooping the young boy up. "If you haven't figured it out already, this is my little brother, Luca. He's nine, but he's still way too naïve for his own good."

I gave the boy a small smile. "It's nice to meet you, Luca. I'm Ciel Phantomhive."

He grinned. "Nice to meet you, too! Hey, big brother, why don't you date her? She's sooooo pretty! And nice, too!"

"_He_ has a boyfriend," Alois replied, adding extra emphasis on the gender pronoun.

"Dinner's ready!" Mrs. Trancy announced, prompting Luca to sprint as fast as he could toward the dining room.

Alois put his hand on my shoulder. "You ready?"

"No," I replied bluntly.

"Sucks," he said, pulling me toward the dinner table.

Luca was already seated when we arrived, and Mrs. Trancy was finishing setting out the food. Whatever part of my brain controlled manners was surely beating up the part responsible for the anxiety disorder.

'Offer to help!' I thought, but it was painfully obvious that that wasn't going to happen.

Mrs. Trancy placed the last few items on the table and sat down. "Hello, Ciel," she greeted.

I stared at the table. "Hi."

"Oh, Alois, Honey! He's just as cute as you said he was!" she gushed.

"Mom!" Alois yelled.

Luca giggled. "Is this your pretty friend that you always talk about, big brother?"

"Luca!" the blond hissed.

"You know, you were right, dear! He really does smell like gingerbread men!" Mrs. Trancy commented.

"What's going on, Alois?" I whispered.

"Mother," Alois said once more through clenched teeth.

"Oh! Excuse us, Ciel," Mrs. Trancy apologized.

I shook my head and mumbled,"It's fine."

"Hey, Mommy?" Luca piped up.

Mrs. Trancy smiled at her younger adoptive son. "Yes, sweetheart?"

He stared at her with giant, innocent eyes and asked,"Why do you keep calling her a 'he'?"

Her eyes grew just as large as the redhead's, but hers were filled with embarrassment instead of innocence. "Sweetie," she started calmly,"We don't question our guests' genders, okay?"

"But-!" the little boy protested.

"Don't. Question. It." she interrupted.

"Yes, Mommy," Luca said, defeated.

I soon discovered that dinner with the Trancys was not half as painful as I had expected it to be. Alois' mother and brother were both just as talkative as he was, leaving no room in the conversation for me to participate, even if I had desired to do so.

"So then, Lizzy was all like,'Cieeeel! Why don't you love me?'" Alois rambled on- I had no idea that he actually gossiped about his peers at the dinner table, but then again, he had to have learned the catty behavior from somewhere. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that Mrs. Trancy did her share of gossiping about the neighbors. At least, whatever gossip a woman could come up with in a place where all of the houses, gardens, and SUVs look the same.

"What do you think, Ciel?" Alois suddenly said.

I looked up from my pasta. "Hm?"

"What do you think about Lizzy obsessing over you?" he clarified.

"O—Oh..." I stammered, mentally cursing him for dragging me into the conversation. It was for my own good, I supposed. After all, how do you get over a phobia but by facing it head-on? So, I looked Alois straight in the eyes and blocked out all of my surroundings. Mrs. Trancy was not in the room, nor was Luca, nor was anyone else. It was just me and my friend.

I gave him a smile. "Yeah, it's weird!"

Alois' eyes filled with tears, and he hugged me tightly as he blinked them away.

"What's going on, Mommy?" it was Luca's turn to ask.

She did not reply, but I could feel her warm gaze resting on us.

It didn't take words for me to know that she understood.

x o x o x o x

A/N:

Wow! I just discovered this really cool new concept! You've probably heard of it? It's called "free time". It's really amazing!

You know, I knew what I was going to say in this note, but as I sit here at 10:11 on this lovely Monday night with Les Miserables music perpetually running through my head, I can't for the life of me figure out what it was.

Review Replies:

**Clydell Humphries**: Amen to that! And I'm lucky enough to be stuck with my equally sucky bio teacher for the next three months. Nonetheless, I'm so happy that you're enjoying this! Thank you so much!

**bleach-freak45**: One of my personal favorite quotes! :D I'm glad it made you smile!

**CherryFlavouredPoison**: I love you, too, and I love that you're enjoying my story so much! Thank you!

**Jisko2ijsko**: Thanks! Oh, yes, that ending is what is commonly known as the Sakura Is Tired of Writing Ending. They tend to be pretty weird. :)

**SeafoamMist**: Well, he found his degree at the bottom of his cereal box one morning, pretended to go off to college, and proceeded to get a job using some personal connections and the prize from his cereal. :3

**The Nameless Girl**: Thank you! I definitely won't stop!

**Black Kitty Knight Club**: Thanks! Yes, fanfiction is definitely the best way to vent! :D

**Chibi Moko-chan**: Yes! Again, I'll say that I wish he were my boyfriend!

**PikoPiko-Chan**: I feel your pain! I'm half Italian, and there's nothing more torturous than the three-thousand strangers bombarding you with kisses. It's so terribly awkward, especially with good ol' granny telling me how big I've gotten, even though I stopped growing in the seventh grade. On the plus side, they always make me feel really tall! XD

Oh. My. Gosh. Did you guys hear the news? After waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting, THE KURO II ENGLISH DUB IS BEING RELEASED ON DVD ON APRIL 3RD (just a week before my birthday XD)! The trailer is on le Tube, along with a few clips. They did a pretty good job staying true to the Japanese voices, ignoring the few spots where Claude sounds like an old geezer. Anyway, you can pre-order the DVDs on Amazon if you're as nerdy as me and want them ASAP. :3

I'm sure I'll think of everything I wanted to say as soon as I upload this chapter, but that's it for now!

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	13. Iris

Chapter 13

_The room was full of people, and yet, it was completely silent. Dozens of pairs of eyes stared at him expectantly, waiting for some sound to come from his mouth. It was suffocating. Yellow-green framed in red was fixed on him, and dark violet pierced through his own cerulean orbs. _

_ "Ciel," two deep voices cooed. "Ciel, come on."_

_ Adrenaline coursed through his system, and as he struggled to even breathe, it was evident that talking was out of the question._

_ "Ciel," they persisted. "Ciel! Let's go. Come on!"_

"Ciel!"

Azure eyes opened wide, and Ciel shot up to find himself sitting on his bed. His breathing and pulse were both more rapid than usual, not to mention the adrenaline rush and trembling; the dream may not have been real, but its effects were.

Rachel stood beside the bed, evidently having awoken her son. "Are you alright?" she asked, concerned.

He nodded.

"Did you have a nightmare?" the worried parent inquired anxiously.

"I'm fine, Mom," Ciel assured, evading the actual question.

"Okay..." Rachel was not entirely convinced, but she pressed the issue no further. "Anyway, you've gotta get ready to go to Sebastian's."

Ciel nodded and watched as his mother exited the room. Once she was gone, he closed his eyes and let himself fall forward into his blankets.

'This is the first time...' he thought,'That it's invaded my dreams.'

x o x o x o x

"Hello, Ciel!" Mrs. Michaelis greeted as Ciel entered her home.

"Hi," he said quietly.

"Sebastian!" the raven-haired woman called. "Sebastian, Ciel's here! Get your butt down the stairs!"

Sebastian did as his mother said and quickly made his way to the living room. "Hey," he said, smiling slightly.

Ciel returned a much larger grin. "Hey yourself."

"Don't do anything dangerous!" Mrs. Michaelis warned as the boys made their way to the upper level of the house. "Or illegal! Or dangerous and illegal! Oh, and no doing anything that you shouldn't be doing before you're an adult!"

The boys made their way to Sebastian's room, where two cats awaited them.

The raven-haired teen sighed. "Jiji, Haiji, get out. Ciel, will you wait outside for a sec while I get the cats out of here?"

Ciel nodded and sat on the carpet in the hallway. He watched in amusement as his boyfriend chased the felines around the room until something else of interest caught his eye. In all of his running around, Sebastian had managed to kick the door partway shut, revealing two initials on the outside of it.

'S.M.' Ciel read. It stood for Sebastian Michaelis, no doubt, but the irony made him chuckle. He smiled and whispered to himself,"My only love sprung from my only hate..."*

"What on earth are you talking about?" Sebastian asked as he walked by with one feline in each arm.

Ciel shook his head. "It's nothing."

Sebastian brushed himself off. "Whatever you say," he said disbelievingly. "Anyway, the room's cat free now. Shall we?" he gestured toward the door.

Ciel nodded, and they entered.

"So," Sebastian started, taking a seat on his bed. "Landers almost lost it yesterday. That was pretty insane."

Ciel smirked. "You sure are good at coming up with conversation topics that make me uncomfortable, aren't you?" He sighed. "You know as well as I do why that loon did what he did."

Sebastian nodded. "Because the class wasn't participating."

"And now you're acting just like him." The little robin rolled his eyes. "Don't pretend you didn't see him staring at me. You and I both know that I'm the one who-"

"You honestly believe that Landers was punishing the _entire class_ because of _you_, mister one-hundred-and-ten percent?" the raven interrupted. "He's obviously aware that you know the material. You've lost, what, five points all year? Let's be realistic, my dear."

"Did you not see the way he was burning holes through me with his eyes through the entire lecture?" Ciel retorted. "Not to mention that the entire rest of the class was doing the same thing."

"Now you're just speaking irrationally," Sebastian stated. "Nobody was looking at you. Every pair of eyes in the room was on Mr. Blabber-Mouth Knox in the corner."

"I still feel like it's my fault," Ciel muttered. "We were lectured, and then we had to do worksheets for the rest of the period. It was like the whole class was being punished because of my disorder. I hated it."

Sebastian would have loved to describe in great detail how irrational his boyfriend's thoughts were, but instead, he decided to simply comfort the boy with a hug. "Must you always blame yourself for everything?" he asked.

Ciel snuggled into the hug, but didn't respond to Sebastian's question. "You smell nice," he muttered, closing his eyes and relaxing. "Hey, Sebastian, do you... ah—tsch! Do you have ca- tsch! Cat hair on your sh- tsch! Tsch! Tsch!

Sebastian pulled Ciel back and stared at him wide-eyed. "Ciel, you sneeze like a cat! That's so freaking adorable!"*

Ciel glared. "Well, could you- tsch! Do some- tsch! Something abo- tsch! About it? Tsch!"

Sebastian looked down at his shirt. "I already brushed myself off, so it must be the room." He took Ciel's hand. "Let's go downstairs."

"What are you buys up to?" Mrs. Michaelis inquired once the two had reached the bottom of the staircase.

Sebastian blushed. "Forgot to vacuum my room." He gestured toward Ciel, who was busy wiping his watering eyes.

She nodded and closed her laptop. "I'll go do that, then. You boys be safe!"

Sebastian watched his mother disappear up the stairs, and once he could no longer see her, he whispered,"What does she think we're gonna do, anyway?"

Ciel giggled. "Drugs...alcohol...sex...larceny...starting fires...buying prostitutes...selling illegal firearms..."

Sebastian laughed and shook his head. "You dork. I'll be right back, 'kay?"

Ciel nodded, but despite his boyfriend's statement, mindlessly followed.

"Ciel?" Sebastian turned around and ruffled the freshman's hair. "Do you intend to follow me to the bathroom, or is there something you want?"

The younger boy desperately tried to come up with an excuse. "I...um..." he looked around the room, frantically searching for something to get him out of this awkward situation, when the perfect item caught his eye. He pointed to the beautiful grand piano in the center of the living room. "May I use that?"

"Of course!" Sebastian replied. "Now, if you'll excuse me."

And with that, Ciel was left alone. He sat himself on the glossy, black bench carefully before pressing on middle C. The rich sound filled the room, causing the boy to involuntarily grin. It had been such a long time since he had gotten to play a decent piano, given that his own was horribly out of tune.

He positioned his hands and was quickly able to produce The Entertainer from muscle memory. The melody reminded him of sitting in piano lessons long ago, playing alongside the kind woman who had taught him to do so.

He played the final notes of the song and let out a sigh. "Six years of lessons and I could never talk to the woman," he whispered.

He sat there in silence for a moment, trying to decide what to play next. Unable to remember anything decent, he decided to search through the pile of sheet music sitting in front of him.

"My God, this is my entire childhood..." he muttered as he flipped through pages upon pages of popular music from the late 90's and early 2000's.

After about fifteen pages of Backstreet Boys*, he finally found a song of interest. The top of the sheet read "Iris", and as he started reading over the lyrics, he could vaguely remember his mother playing it for him in the car when he was young. After skimming through the music, he decided to attempt the song.

He positioned his slender fingers and played the first few chords. He smiled when he began to recognize the melody which he hadn't heard in such a long time, and after deciding that the faint sound of the vacuum upstairs would mask any other noises, he started to sing along.

He found the music to be relatively basic, and as his fingers glided naturally along the ivory keyboard, he became numb to the outside world- so much so that he didn't notice when he acquired spectators.

"_And I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to-"_

He came to a dead stop when he heard a small sound coming from the doorway; he wasn't alone. He turned around to find Sebastian smiling at him and Mrs. Michaelis softly crying. His head immediately turned back toward the keyboard, and he silently trembled.

Sebastian approached the unspeakably embarrassed boy and hugged him from behind. "That was beautiful," he whispered. "You even managed to move my mother to tears. You've got such a pretty voice, my darling. It's really such a shame you can't use it."

x o x o x o x

A/N:

I'm such a terrible procrastinator! It's taken me basically all of spring break to write this thing, since I got my Kuro II DVDs in the mail! XD (The ending sucks even worse in English...) And so, as I sit here with a fluffy cat on my lap, I present to you chapter 13! *jazz hands*

Review Replies:

**CherryFlavouredPoison**: You're very welcome, and thank you! I just love Alois, and I can totally relate to little Luca with the whole "my older sibling is the greatest human being to ever walk the planet" thing... XD I love writing about them!

**jisko2ijsko**: I know how you feel! School is truly a terrible thing. Thanks so much for your review! :D

**Chibi Moko-chan**: Yeah, it can be pretty difficult. I just went with the English dub's pronunciation and then consulted my handy-dandy French student! XD

**Dreamy Duskywing**: Thank you very much! Yes, I believe I just described pretty much every family gathering ever, but personally, it's about a thousand times worse on the Italian side of my family! :D

**JezabelStrike**: Thank you very much! :3

**SeafoamMist**: Yup, April 3rd! Oh, I loved writing about Alois' family, especially Luca and his adorable innocence... :)

**ladyblanc**: Poor Sebby misses all of the good stuff! :o I'm so glad you enjoyed it! :D

**PepSquee777**: Well, it's actually more like a week and a half. My birthday is the fourteenth. :3 But yes. Happy birthday to us! To answer your question, when Sebastian isn't in the story, he's off playing with his cats, poking around lolcats, watching videos of cats, and wishing that he was with Ciel. :)

**Jenmoon1**: Why certainly. Thank you for the review! :)

**promocat**: Yup! :D Thank you! Just another fanfic-epiphone from gym class. Ellipticals truly are the best places to think... :3

**Clydell Humphries**: M-hm! I absolutely love Luca! He's just so sweet... y'know, disregarding the fact that he ordered the annihilation of an entire village...

**Katana Miiruken**: Thank you so much! I'm glad you could relate! :3

**Wolfen Artist of Hetalia**: "you owe me for reading this"- Gee, thanks. That makes me feel so good... =.= Okay, moving on! :3 I applaud you for your impressive four reviews, Fratello! One of the most hilarious things you've ever read, though? Dude, this is my serious side! Thank you SO much for the compliment, though! :D

Asterisk Notes (Oh, boy! I haven't gotten to do these in such a long time!):

*"My only love sprung from my only hate": A quote from Romeo and Juliet. We're reading it in English class right now, and as soon as I came across this line, I was like,"MUST USE!"

*cat sneeze: I once wrote a comic about this. Based on the fact that I, too, have a cat sneeze. :3

*Backstreet Boys: No, I'm not dissing them. I listened to them once upon a time... and don't pretend that you didn't too! ;)

Well, that's just about it for this chapter! However, before I go, I must say one more thing...

Easter is tomorrow, and you know what that means! ITALIAN FAMILY GATHERING! Save me...

May the Bunny be kind to you! :D

Until next time,

Sakura


	14. Query

Chapter 14

"Ciao, ragazzi!" Mr. Landers greeted as he entered the Italian classroom. Seeing as it was first period, he received no response.

"Signor Knox, come stai?" he asked in an attempt to awaken the half-asleep student.

The bespectacled sophomore looked up sleepily. "Uh... mi chiamo Ronald?"

The classroom was silent. Sebastian face-palmed, and Lizzy held in a chuckle. Ciel rolled his eyes; were these people stupid?

Mr. Landers sighed loudly. "That isn't what I asked you, Signor Knox. Do you know what "come stai" means?"

Ronald thought for a moment. "Uh... I don't... Ooooooooh! It means "how are you"! ...Right?"

The teacher groaned. "Yes, Signor. And how would you answer that in Italian?"

The green-eyed male was silent for a minute. "Sto bene," he finally said.

"Si!" Mr. Landers confirmed. "Now... Signorina," he gestured toward Lizzy. "Come si chiami?"

"Mi chiamo Lizzy!" she replied automatically, much to her classmates' relief.

"Eccelente, Signorina Middleford!" the teacher praised as he searched the room for a new victim. "Signor Phantomhive!"

Adrenaline shot through Ciel's system, his heart beating almost unbearably fast.

"Che tempo fa oggi?" Mr. Landers asked; a relatively simple question.

"Oggi fa..." Ciel began, only to be cut off by the teacher.

"Signor Slingby, Signorina Middleford, please be quiet," the amethyst-eyed man scolded. "I can't hear him."

Ciel waited until the classroom fell silent to start over. "Oggi c'è nebbia," he squeaked after peering out the window to verify that there was, indeed, a thick fog looming over the area.

"Molto bene!" the white-haired teacher said enthusiastically. "You know, you don't have to be so quiet all the time, Signor Phantomhive. You should be more confident. It's not like you're going to get the answer wrong."

'I know I'm not gonna be wrong,' Ciel thought,'But I'm still afraid.' He bit his lip and stared down at the bright red mark on his wrist where he had been subconsciously dragging his nails.

x o x o x o x

"Hey, Ciel!"

Ciel turned around and held in a groan. 'Well if it isn't Smelly and Stalker, the Crazy sisters...' he thought, preparing a fake smile. "Hey, Doll! How are you?" he greeted cordially.

"Great!" the girl replied cheerfully. "How are you?"

Ciel continued moving up the stairwell. "I'm fine, thank you," he said without making eye contact. 'Go away!' his mind screamed, hoping that the girl had some measure of telepathy.

"Doll," Beast cut in. "Shouldn't you be getting to class instead of following boys who we both know are never going to date you?"

Doll pouted. "You're one to talk!" she retorted. "I'll stop chasing after Ciel when you stop chasing after Sebastian. Besides, I'm not following him, per say. We're both headed to math class! Isn't that right, Cieeeeel?" She put her head on his shoulder- only to be abruptly shaken off- and without letting the boy answer her question, continued chattering away. "You know, Beast, Ciel is soooo cute in that class! He, like, doesn't talk, and-"

"What?" he interrupted, clearly offended.

"Well..." Doll searched for the right words. "I mean... it's like, you just choose not to or something..."

"It's not a choice!" Ciel objected. "Shut up!"

"That's not what I meant!" the girl hugged his arm, wordlessly pleading for forgiveness. "Really, it's cute!"

"It's not cute!" he yelled, forcefully pulling his arm away. "It's horrible, and I hate it!" Without another word, he took off, leaving the baffled sisters to wonder what had happened.

Beast shook her head. "Way to get a guy, Doll. Way to get a guy."

Ciel ran and ran, ignoring the burning sensation in his lungs. He had to get away from that ignorant girl, or else he would suffer a worse fate than his asthma could possibly deal him.

'Is that really what people think about me?' he thought. 'Who knows what kinds of things people who don't know me are saying? This is sickening... What can I do to make them understand? I wish I could make them all go around with their mouths taped shut for a day.'

x o x o x o x

Ciel swung his legs back and forth in his chair as he stared at the ground and listened to the over-played pop songs softly sounding on the waiting room radio. It was Monday afternoon once again, which meant that it was time for another torturous therapy session with the flaming doctor. The boy stared intensely at the wooden door, dreading the moment when it would swing open to reveal the obnoxious redhead.

Unfortunately for Ciel, that moment arrived all too quickly.

"Good afternoon, Ciel!" Dr. Sutcliff greeted energetically. "Hello, Rachel! How are you both doing today?"

"Fine, thank you," Rachel answered, speaking for both herself and her son.

"Fabulous!" Grell sang. "Now, Ciel, would you mind waiting out here for a few minutes while I have a word with your mother?"

"That's fine," the fifteen-year-old mumbled, though he hadn't the faintest idea what he was expected to do by himself in the waiting room of a therapist's office for God-knows-how-long without his phone, sketch pad, or any other means of entertainment.

He watched the two adults enter the small room and kept his eyes glued to the door even after it was shut. 'What could they be talking about?' he contemplated. 'What could Dr. Sutcliff possibly want to talk about so badly that he had to take my mother into his office privately? Thank goodness it wasn't Dad, or he'd have been raped.'

Ciel sighed inaudibly and fixed his gaze on the tiles of the ceiling. As he sat there listening to the digitally altered, twenty-first century, barely-even-music pop coming from the radio, he longed for but two things: a means of entertainment and a pencil to shove in his ears. Alas, all that could be found was a table piled high with celebrity gossip magazines from six months ago. When the horribly bored young Phantomhive flipped through said magazines, he found that not only was all of the news contained in them extremely outdated, but also that some other patient had already taken the liberty of drawing mustaches on every picture, an activity that Ciel usually found quite useful when it came to passing time. Because of this, the selective mute found himself with nothing to do.

Needless to say, he was very, very bored.

In his state of intense boredom, Ciel found himself unable to keep his mind off of what his mother and Dr. Sutcliff were discussing. 'Is he telling her about how I don't talk to him? What if she's telling him about my grades? I hate this! What are they saying?'

At last, the door opened, and out walked the two adults. Ciel stood up to meet them, hoping that someone would at least give him a clue as to what he had not been permitted to hear.

As Rachel returned to her seat, Dr. Sutcliff smiled at Ciel. "Thank you for being patient," he said. "You can come in now."

Ciel nodded and obliged, entering the office and taking a seat.

"How are you today?" Grell asked.

Ciel choked out his usual response. "Fine, thank you."

The doctor smiled. "Wonderful! Can I get you something?"

Ciel shook his head. 'I hope you realize that even if I were about to die of dehydration, I still wouldn't ask you for anything,' he thought.

"Alright! Now," Dr. Sutcliff rummaged through a large pile of papers,"I have a paper that I want you to fill out. Is that alright?"

The azure-eyed boy nodded.

"Great!" the redhead replied, handing him a sheet of paper. "I think I have a pen somewhere..." he muttered, searching through drawers. After roughly five minutes, he admitted defeat and handed his patient a red crayon. "Is this okay?"

Ciel smiled slightly and nodded once again, accepting the writing implement. He placed the piece of paper on the table beside him and began to read.

'What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?' the paper read.

Ciel stared at the question, knowing full well what to write, but finding himself unable to do so.

'It's not like I can be wrong,' he thought. 'But still... I can't write it. Not with _him_ watching.'

He bit his lip, still blankly gazing at the words. 'No. I have to write something! This shouldn't be a difficult question to answer, right? Has my anxiety really gotten so bad that I can't even write the word "shower" if my therapist is watching? I can't keep sitting here like an idiot, or else I'll just be proving everyone right. Besides, I can't disappoint Sebastian anymore.'

Ciel took a deep breath and shifted his position so that he was leaning over the table, his hand ready to write. He tried his best to ignore the horrible adrenaline coursing through his system and suppress the trembling of his hands. Very slowly, he pressed the crayon to the page and began to form a cursive 's'- he had come to the conclusion that his cursive was far less legible than his print, therefore making it more difficult for Dr. Sutcliff to read. Unfortunately, young Ciel's handwriting was rather similar to that of the typical girl his age, making even his attempted sloppy letters extremely neat.

Grell rolled his chair over to see what his patient hand written. "'Shower'," he read aloud. "Okay, great! Do you want to do the next question now?"

Ciel nodded reluctantly. In truth, he really didn't want to answer any more questions. In fact, he wanted nothing more than to go home and never see the doctor again. Even so, he decided it best to do what the flamboyant man said.

'What is your favorite school subject?' the next question said.

Ciel frowned. 'Does art count?' he thought. 'Or is it referring to academic subjects? I guess I'll go with academic, just to be on the safe side. But... what _is_ my favorite academic subject? English and Italian are both really easy, and they're pretty fun, aside from when I have to talk. Wait! Should I choose a class where I don't have to talk? No, that's all the boring ones. I guess I'll choose Italian, because Sebastian's in that class.'

He gripped the crayon and, after fidgeting with it for a moment, began to write.

Dr. Sutcliff peered over the boy's shoulder. "You take Italian?" he asked. "How romantic! Do you use it on your boyfriend?"

Ciel nodded. 'Actually, we take the class together,' he thought.

"How sweet!" Grell gushed. "Though French is pretty romantic, too. Have you ever taken French, Ciel?"

'Already fluent,' the selective mute thought, shaking his head.

Grell's eyes widened, as if he was having some kind of epiphany. "Come to think of it, your name means 'sky' in French, doesn't it?" he asked.

Ciel nodded. 'That's right, Einstein.'

"You know, I just looove all of those romance langua-" Dr. Sutcliff cut himself off when he caught a glimpse of the clock. "Uh-oh!" he screeched. "We're out of time already!"

Ciel breathed a sigh of relief as he watched the therapist open the door. He couldn't have been happier to walk out of the cramped office and be released from the suffocating, crushing atmosphere.

x o x o x o x

A/N:

Thank you to all of my fantastic readers for 100 reviews! I love each and every one of you to bits, and your encouraging words always give me strength! You guys are awesome, and I'm so unbelievably thankful for you. I feel so much less alone than I did a year ago, and I have no one to thank but all of you incredible people. So, thank you for being there for me, and also for helping me to reach this huge milestone! I love you all so much!

Okay, now that the corny speech is over, it's time for some review replies! :D

**JezabelStrike**: D'awwww, thank you! You know, I've always thought the exact same thing. Maaya Sakamoto, Ciel's seiyuu, actually does have a very pretty voice, so I suppose that Ciel has a nice voice as well! XD

**Chibi Moko-chan**: Ah, yes. I remember listening to their songs on one of those prehistoric HitClips contraptions! XD I'm pretty sure I still have that thing somewhere...

**Cat attack 441**: Yes! I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I need a boyfriend like Sebastian!

**ladyblanc**: Perhaps he'll be able to if you believe! XD Thank you very much!

**promocat**: I was actually thinking about doing that. Happy [belated] Easter to you, too!

**CherryFlavouredPoison**: Thank you very much! I'm so glad I'm not the only one who makes references to the Y U No guy... XD Happy [belated] Easter to you, too! Thankfully, disease spared me of the Italian family gathering this year. I was able to spend the day with chocolate and Kuro DVDs!

**SeafoamMist**: He probably does have more than two. Perhaps it was the cats in the closet that triggered poor Ciel's allergies! X3 Thank you, and happy [belated] Easter to you, too!

**JenMoon1**: Thank you, and it's my pleasure! :D

**Lieutenant of the BVB Army**: Awwww! I was SO happy to receive this review, especially since I've never spoken with another diagnosed selective mute before. You're very lucky to have someone to talk to who knows how it feels. Well, no one with SM is "lucky", but... well... you know what I mean. It's good that you have someone who understands you, because I think that that's a very important thing for someone with any kind of disorder to have.

**Wolfen Artist of Hetalia**: You missed me derping around with a stapler today in Italian! :o It was actually terribly humiliating... Aaaaaaanyway! There are several things I have to say about that review. 1) Romano's words sadden me. 2) Thank you, Fratello! 3) If it's the Romano Translator 9000, then will the next model be... over 9000? 4) You'd have to have no soul to not love that song!

**Translation Notes**:

Come stai?- How are you?

Mi chiamo Ronald.- My name is Ronald.

Sto bene.- I'm good.

Come si chiami?- What is your name?

Eccelente!- Excellent!

Che tempo fa oggi?- What is the weather like today? (literally "What is the weather doing today?")

Oggi c'è nebbia.- It is foggy today.

Well, that's it for this chapter!

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	15. Research

Chapter 15

It was exactly 12:37 AM on a Wednesday morning at the Michaelis home when the lady of the house ventured to the upper level to find something rather odd: the light in her son's bedroom was still on. She assumed that, perhaps, he had simply fallen asleep before he had gotten the chance to turn it off, but a trip inside the room proved her theory to be incorrect. Sebastian was still very much awake, though the dark circles beneath his slightly bloodshot eyes indicated that he should have been asleep hours ago. Nevertheless, he laid on his bed with his legs where his head ought to have been, his feet idly kicking up and down on his pillow, his head supported only by his left hand, and his laptop open in front of him.

"Sebastian?" Mrs. Michaelis chucked.

The ebony-haired teen looked up, his vermillion eyes glazed over. "Huh...? Oh, hi, Mom."

The woman shook her head and sighed deeply. "Sweetie, what on Earth are you doing?"

Being a teenage boy, he replied simply with,"Stuff."

Understandably, this response did not satisfy his mother, so she leaned over to view the small screen. Being as exhausted as he was, Sebastian made no move to stop her, and she was able to get a clear view of the dozens of tabs that her son had opened, all of them sharing a common theme. The browser was filled with articles, support groups, and facebook pages with information regarding selective mutism.

"You're going to slow down your computer with all those tabs," Mrs. Michaelis warned. "Why are you doing this, anyway? Something tells me Ciel isn't the one who asked you to."

Sebastian shook his head. "Nobody asked me. I'm doing it because I want to help him, and I can't do that if I don't know more."

Mrs. Michaelis sat down beside her son. "You know," she said,"When it comes to the medical world, Google is a free pass to anxiety attack land. You could have just asked Mrs. Phantomhive if you wanted more information on it. Isn't Ciel always telling you not to take your voice for granted? If you keep researching by yourself, you're going to end up finding something you don't like."

"Yeah," Sebastian replied. "That's why I'm doing it. I want to make sure that he's not in any physical danger."

"Sweetie, I promise, there's really nothing to worry about," his mother reassured. "Ciel may keep things from his parents, but he has no reason to hide anything from you."

"What if you're wrong?" Sebastian retorted. "If something were to happen to him, I would never forgive myself. He's everything to me, Mom."

"Oh, no room in your heart for Mommy anymore?" Mrs. Michaelis cut in. She pouted and turned her head away dramatically. "It's okay... I only endured seven hours of labor in order to bring you into this world...I only nursed you...changed you...bathed you...clothed you...I've only carted you around to all of your after school activities...paid for contact lenses, glasses, and three years of braces...taught you to drive...fed you...done your laundry...put up with your teenage angst..."

Sebastian yawned. "Alright, alright, I get it. I think I'm gonna go to sleep now. Goodnight, Mom."

Mrs. Michaelis gave her son a tight hug. "Don't spend all night fretting about Ciel, okay? G'night, Sebby."

x o x o x o x

After his late night of researching, "tired" could not even begin to describe what Sebastian was feeling as he silently sat in the cafeteria, mindlessly listening to an Alois Trancy gossip session.

"Are you okay?" Ciel whispered as the blond rambled on.

Sebastian nodded. "Just a little tired. I was up really late last night. Which reminds me... I wanted to talk to you about something." He turned to Alois. "Could you be quiet for a sec?" he requested of the chatter box.

"What?" the blond squeaked, outraged. "But I have the best story about Eric and Alan!"

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Save it for later. This is more important." He turned back around to look at Ciel. "So, anyway. I was doing some research last night, and-"

"Sebastian," Ciel interrupted, his deep blue eyes silently scolding the other male. "You remember the last time you did 'research', don't you? I still have yet to figure out how you managed to convince yourself that I had two weeks left to live. Anyway, Google isn't a physician, and I don't like you giving yourself extra worries."

"That was fourth grade..." Sebastian muttered. "Well, the stupidity of my ten-year-old self aside, would you please just put my mind at ease?"

Ciel frowned. "Fine. What's bugging you?"

Sebastian pulled out his notebook, where he had been taking thorough notes on everything he had read about the previous night. He flipped through pages upon pages of his perfect handwriting until he found the sentence in question. "Read this," he instructed, pointing to the small section and sliding the notebook over to his friend.

"'As a result of their anxiety-borne desire for perfection, sufferers may be susceptible to depression, self-harm, and eating disorders'," Ciel read aloud. "Is that what you're worried about, Sebastian?"

"Yeah." The elder boy sighed. "Just...tell me something, okay? Have you ever hurt yourself?"

Ciel's eyes widened. "No!" he practically screamed, pulling up a sweatshirt sleeve and shoving his snow-white wrist into his boyfriend's face.

Sebastian laughed and moved the boy's arm away from him. "Okay, okay... And what about depression?"

"Negative," Ciel replied. "Though this one's depression was nearly contagious." He threw a thumb in Alois' direction.

Alois looked up from his sandwich. "Wait, what?"

Ciel shook his head. "Never mind."

"Ciel..." the blond said in an almost threatening tone. "What did I do?"

"Nothing. It's just that..." the tiny freshman searched for the right words. "That year without Sebastian was hard. I was constantly crying, but I could never tell anyone what was wrong. I quite literally worried myself sick just about every few weeks. You were there, Alois, and that was good... but no matter how hard my day had been, even on the days when my anxiety nearly had me in tears, I always had to put on a smile for you. You were in a bad place, and I wanted to get you out; to keep you from drowning in the depths of your mind... but as I pulled you up, you were dragging me down. I guess I was so busy supporting you that I forgot to support myself."

Alois stared at Ciel, stunned.

"So that's what happened during that year," Sebastian mused. "I knew there was something you weren't telling me." He turned to glare at Alois. "You freaking parasite."

Tears began freely flowing down Alois' cheeks. "I'm so sorry!" he sobbed. "Ciel... thank you for being there for me until you were sure I was okay, but you shouldn't have sacrificed your own sanity for my sake."

"It's fine," Ciel assured. "The important thing is that we both got out of that situation safely."

"This is all very sweet and everything," Sebastian interrupted,"But if you don't mind, I do have a couple more concerns."

"Go ahead," Ciel permitted.

"Thanks." Sebastian took a moment to collect his thoughts and read over the quote once more. "What about your body image? Is that all okay?"

"If you mean whether or not I starve myself, then the answer is no," Ciel replied,"but in general, it's on and off. There are days when I'm perfectly confident, and then there are days when I'll look in the mirror and think things like 'You're not attractive enough' or 'You're too fat'."

"You're kidding!" Alois yelled. "You're the most beautiful person I know, and do you even have any fat on your body?"

"The most beautiful person you know?" Ciel asked. "Thank you, but I thought Claude Faustus was the sun in your little homosexual galaxy."

Alois blushed. "Did I say that out loud?"

"You sure did," Sebastian confirmed. "Must I again remind you that you are stationed in the _friend zone_, Commander Persistent?"

"Wait, what?" the severely confused Ciel asked.

"Say it and I kill you," Alois warned.

Sebastian smirked. "Five bucks and I keep quiet."

Alois reluctantly paid up, leaving poor Ciel to wonder what had happened. "So," the blond said, conspicuously changing the subject,"Who wants to hear my story about Alan and Eric now?"

x o x o x o x

Ciel examined his chalk pastel-covered hands as he exited the art room. His math notes were surely going to be dyed all shades of pink, but the bell had prevented him from washing his hands.

"Hi there, Ciel!" A voice, unfortunately belonging to a teacher, pulled the boy from his thoughts.

He turned around to find himself face-to-face with Mr. Thompson*, his very young, very outgoing, very strange gym and health teacher.

"Hi," he replied politely, putting down his colorful hands.

"I didn't know you were artistic, Ciel!" Mr. Thompson commented.

Ciel nodded, relieved that the teacher had never noticed him sketching in class.

"What art class do you take?" the teacher asked.

"Um... studio art," Ciel replied, mentally kicking himself for having to throw an 'um' in there.

Mr. Thompson nodded. "And what do you do in that class?"

Ciel let out a deliberately contemplative-sounding 'um' as he though about how to explain it. "It's, like... experimenting with different media," he decided.

"That's cool," Mr. Thompson said. "So, do you like gym class this year, Ciel?"

The freshman nodded. It was the truth; while he had loathed gym class since elementary school, he was actually enjoying it this year, as Mr. Thompson not only gave the students free reign of the exercise equipment, but also allowed them the use of their iPods.

The teacher smiled. "That's good! You're doing really well in that class. I hope you keep it up."

"I will," Ciel assured as he and the man went their separate ways. "Bye."

As soon as he was out of Mr. Thompson's line of vision, he picked up his pace. 'What was that?' he thought. 'I'm supposed to be shaking. I'm supposed to be sweating. Where's the adrenaline rush? Why doesn't my heart feel like it's going to explode? What's going on?'

The thoroughly confused teen entered his extremely noisy geometry classroom only to be greeted by his overexcited teacher.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Phantomhive! Are you ready to learn about properties of quadrilaterals?" Mr. Chambers asked, sounding far too excited for the impending forty-five minutes of monotonous lines and angles.

Ciel nodded, avoiding eye contact. As he took his seat, a wave of disappointment washed over him. Just when he thought that the chains had been broken, there they were again. He had felt the sensation of liberation, known what it was like to have a voice, but he had been silenced once more. He longed to experience that feeling again; to finally be free. To stop wasting money with his useless therapy sessions, to stop disappointing himself and everyone who was trying to help him, to stop making Sebastian worry. He knew that victory was within his grasp. He was going to fight this battle, and he wasn't going to quit until he came out on top.

x o x o x o x

A/N:

Hello, my lovely reviewers! It is a Tuesday evening here at the desk of Sakura414, and after three days, I have finally decided to write this note. I know that the chapter is pretty early- though I doubt you're complaining. I do have a valid reason, nevertheless. That reason being that in less than two weeks, I'm going to be hitting the convention center for a *sparkle sparkle* ANIME CON~! Thus, my updating schedule will probably be thrown off. Whether that means speedier updates, slower updates, or the regular two week intervals, I don't know. I'll try to be quick, because I love all of you so much, but if I do take a little longer, then please bear with me!

Asterisk Notes:  
>Thompson: One of the triplet servants of the Trancy estate. Based loosely on my own gym teacher for my purposes, the major difference being that my gym teacher is an ancient artifact.<p>

**JezabelStrike**: Yeah, I hate torturing him! :( Thank you so much!

**Bocchan832**: Indeed, Grell is extremely strange. Yet oh-so-fun to write about! XD

**promocat**: Yeah... sadly, the anxiety stretches into the world of writing as well. My handwriting actually changes when that happens to me!

**CherryFlavouredPoison**: What do you mean you "used to"? Why on Earth would you stop? XD The chapter was my pleasure, but thank YOU for the review! Grell is just amazing in every way. I want him as...like... a teacher or something! XD

**ladyblanc**: But if he speaks to everyone, then the story would be over, and that would just be sad! It'll happen eventually... but not until the time comes. :3 Thank you very much!

**Jenmoon1**: It's my pleasure! Thank you for the review!

**Lieutenant of the BVB Army**: That's very true... except for when you have to email teachers! I absolutely hate that! XP So, was it Sebastianful enough this time around? :)

**SeafoamMist**: He would! I'm telling you: therapist + space = the rapist. I'm sure Will only allows him to take on child patients. Grell's a lot of things, but he's not a pedophile, and it's pretty obvious after spending five minutes with the guy that having an attractive male patient would be terribly dangerous!

**Negiocca**: Five years, four fandoms, ninety stories, and this has got to be just about the sweetest review I've ever gotten. Thank you so much for your feedback and encouragement! I'm trying my very best, and it's people like you who keep me going! Thank you so much!

Well, we've made it to chapter fifteen! I can't believe it! I suppose that it is time, once again, to credit all of the lovely people who have favorited and alerted since all the way back in chapter eleven! Thank you very much to...

, SeafoamMist, Angelic Marshmallow, Black Kitty Knight Club, BeeBee Forthwright, The-Dark-Wolf-813, Dreamy Duskywing, JezabelStrike, Radioactive Otaku, 120mad4books, Brianna Heap, CrimsonLaurana, Yurara-chan, ArrowUzumaki, Cat attack 411, C. Isabel, Kate Dark, Lieutenant of the BVB Army, Plimsoul, Princessofthequietworld, Miyakaze, Bocchan832, Spain's little tomato x, salbadger478, Negiocca, SpoonMeister13x8

Whew! I suppose it's time for me to say goodbye for now. See you next time, my lovelies, and thank you for reading/supporting me! You're all amazing!

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	16. Solitude

Chapter 16

_-Hey, Ciel. You awake?_

_-I am now... =.= What's up, Sebastian?_

_-Do you want to do something today?_

_-If by that, you mean "Let's skillfully and very purposefully force anxiety upon Ciel for observational reasons", then no._

_-Nope! Just a date. :3_

_-Fine, but promise me that you won't put me in any situations I'm not comfortable with._

_-I promise. You want to just come over to my house?_

_-And have to talk to your parents? I think not._

_-Fine. Mall?_

_-Cashiers._

_-Brunch?_

_-Ordering food._

_-Movies?_

_-Getting tickets._

_-My God, Ciel... Must you be so difficult? ...Fine, you know what? We're going to Dairy King, I'm ordering for you, and you are going to like it._

_-O.O ...Fine._

x o x o x o x

Sebastian waited patiently outside of the Phantomhive residence. He should have known that eleven in the morning was far too early a meeting time for his little night owl, but the sooner they left, the sooner they could get down to business.

"Sorry I'm late!" an exhausted Ciel breathed as he rushed out of his house. "I kinda fell back asleep after our conversation."

Sebastian smiled. "You're adorable, you know that? Now, let's get going."

The couple started down the street toward the ice cream shop.

Ciel looked up at Sebastian. "Okay, so what's the ulterior motive this time?"

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about!" Ciel retorted. "Every time you tell me that we're going on a date, you end up sticking me in some sort of horrible situation, rendering me mute."

Sebastian feigned hurt, gasping and putting a hand to his chest. "Ciel, you wound me! What's wrong with wanting to spend the day with my cute boyfriend?"

Ciel rolled his eyes. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with it, except for the fact that I know it's not that simple."

Sebastian sighed in defeat. "Okay, there is something I want to talk to you about, but nothing beyond that. I promised you that I won't put you in any uncomfortable situations...and I would never lie to you." His haunting scarlet orbs grew wider, and he placed a hand under Ciel's chin, tilting the younger male's head upward to meet his gaze. "Don't you trust me?" he whispered.

"Sebas-" Ciel started, only to be cut off by his boyfriend's lips being pressed against his own. Despite his burning desire to react, he stayed still for the first few moments; he was supposed to be upset with Sebastian, and thus, his pride would not allow him to do any different.

Sebastian brought his head back just enough so that he could speak. "Are you really that angry, love?" He wrapped his arms around Ciel's waist and pulled him closer, sending shivers down the young boy's spine.

"Yes," he managed to whisper as the two moved in for another kiss. It wasn't a long kiss, but nor was it too short. It wasn't violent or aggressive, yet it was passionate; full of life and bursting with love.

"Then I'm very sorry," Sebastian said as the two broke apart. "I guess I've been a pretty awful boyfriend, huh? I apologize."

Ciel rested his head on his boyfriend's chest. "And what have you ever known words to accomplish?" he asked quietly. "You showed me that you're sorry, and that's enough. Speech is such a trivial thing, you know? There are so many languages, so many words, so many ways to say things... and yet nobody truly understands one another. If only we could read each other's souls, and know what others are feeling. Maybe then, the world would finally start to go somewhere." He paused. "...I'm not mad, Sebastian. I'd have to be a fool to be when you're the only one who cares enough to truly figure out how to help me. Now, let's go have some ice cream."

x o x o x o x

The high temperatures proved to be perfect for producing large crowds at the small Dairy King. Sebastian and Ciel quickly found themselves in the midst of an extensively long line, which displeased Ciel for more than one reason. Not only was he incredibly impatient- especially when it came to dessert- but he also had a strong disliking for large crowds. He was thankful to have Sebastian's hand to hold to douse the sensation of vulnerability, if only slightly.

"I didn't realize it would be this crowded," Sebastian stated apologetically, sensing his boyfriend's discomfort. "Now, do you know what you want?"

"Ummmmm," Ciel stared at the menu. "How about... cookie dough?"

Sebastian nodded. "Excellent choice. Small, medium, or large?"

Ciel thought about this as he and Sebastian moved up in line, drawing nearer to the front. "Small," he decided. "You remember the last time I tried to order a medium, don't you? The cup itself was over half the size of my head, and I ended up wasting most of it."

Sebastian chuckled. "It's because you're so small. Now, come on. It's our turn to order."

Ciel fell silent as soon as the two stepped up to the counter.

"We'd like one small cookie dough- crap. Uh..." Sebastian leaned down and pointed to the interlaced fingers of he and Ciel. "One squeeze for a cone, two for a cup. 'Kay?"

Ciel nodded and squeezed Sebastian's hand once.

Sebastian nodded and stood back up to face the cashier. "One small cookie dough cone, and one medium vanilla cone, please."

"Coming right up!" the woman said cheerfully before leaving to retrieve what the boys had requested.

Once she was gone, Ciel began fishing through his wallet for the proper amount of money to pay for what he had ordered.

Sebastian put his hands atop Ciel's and closed the wallet. "I'll pay," he said. "Don't worry about it."

Ciel smiled. "Thank y-"

"Here ya go!" the woman interrupted as she emerged with the cones. "That'll be 6.50, please."

Sebastian handed over the money and took the ice cream. "Thank you very much. Have a nice day."

x o x o x o x

Ciel sat on a park bench, idly kicking his legs back and forth and licking his ice cream. "So... what was it that you wanted to talk to me about?" he asked the older male who sat beside him.

"Oh!" Sebastian sat up straight, as if he were just remembering his reason for dragging his little boyfriend out. "Right. It's about last year."

Ciel looked up, shocked. "W—What about it?"

"What happened during that year, Ciel?" he inquired. "I feel like there's more to it than what you told us on Wednesday."

"You really want to know?" Ciel asked quietly. Without waiting for a response, he jumped into story-teller mode. "I hated not being able to see you on a regular basis, you know. It was really difficult; not a moment went by that I didn't miss you. I was alone with my disorder; stuck in a toxic environment in which nothing existed but the troubles of myself and others. During this time, Alois was struggling with depression- of course, you know that already- and he was always going to me for support. I guess he was under the impression that just because I wore a happy face, I was a mentally stable person on whom he could lean until his own mental state was restored. It isn't his fault, of course. He had no way of knowing what was really going on; that I had such severe anxiety, and that his venting only escalated it. I worried myself sick that year so many times that I lost count; a miserable body to match a miserable soul. Because of my nearly constant illnesses, I stopped being able to see you. You, the only one who could make everything better, were kept away from me by my own nerves.

With time and support, Alois did manage to get better, but he left me behind to drown in my growing sea of anxiety. I stopped doing my schoolwork, I had no desire to do things or go places, my self esteem worsened, and I still had that fake smile plastered across my face. I was glad that Alois could be happy, but I still had to protect him from going back to that state. So, my own struggles remained a secret, and I continued to put all of my energy into his happiness." He looked up. "And that's everything."

"Ciel..." Sebastian whispered, wrapping his arms tightly around the smaller boy.

Ciel relaxed into the hug, closing his eyes and allowing his tears to fall. "That's the first time I've told anybody about that."

"You know..." Sebastian started,"it's okay for you to have feelings and opinions. If you want something, you should say so. If you think something is sad or scary, you shouldn't have to face that pain alone. If you're upset, I'll be here holding you for as long as it takes for you to feel better again." He pulled back, brushed Ciel's tears away, and kissed his forehead. "Smile now, love. You don't have to be lonely anymore."

x o x o x o x

A/N:

Sorry for the late update, everyone! The past few weeks have been really crazy. On the up-side, the con was definitely the best one I've been to yet! I met so many awesome people, and everyone was so unbelievably nice! It was everything I'd hoped it would be and more. If any of my fellow Kuro cosplayers who I had the pleasure of talking to (especially that Sebby who picked me up XD) happen to be reading this, thank you for the time of my life!

On the down-side, the weeks on either side of the con were pretty bad. On top of a lot of personal stuff, my anxiety has been worse. I've been scratching myself all over the place and getting super stressed about everything. *sighs* Summer is almost here...!

One more thing before I get to the review replies: I got my SM wristband in the mail on Friday! All of the money from the purchase is going to research for SM and children who can't afford treatment. *nudge nudge* You know you want one. Not only are they for a good cause, but they freaking glow in the dark! *is mentally four years old* :3

Review replies:

**Jenmoon1**: On the contrary, you were perfectly on time, my darling. Thank you for brightening up my week!

**TaintedSkies**: Thank you! I'm glad that you were able to overcome SM, especially at a young age! It's better to just be able to live your life without that kind of debilitating anxiety.

**Negiocca**: Thank you sooo much! And I think we're gonna have to divide Sebby up evenly among all of us.

**CherryFlavouredPoison**: No, thank YOU for reviewing! :D I suppose if you don't have any good magazines, you can just draw a mustache on your finger and then have one yourself!

**SeafoamMist**: Fanime? Like, in California? My goodness, no! I went to a smaller, local convention. ^.^

**SpoonMeister13x8**: Thank you! I actually feel really bad for Alois, too. I hate torturing him, because I really do love him! As for what his future holds, I'm afraid I can say nothing as of yet. :3

**Wolfen Artist of Hetalia**: Thank you so much! Yes, I have, in fact, had pink hands in math on multiple occasions while I was working on that piece with the cherry blossoms. I swear, when my teacher collects my notebook for the quarterly check, he's going to be like "What did she do to this thing?" XD

**promocat**: So true! The internet is the reason why I always think I'm going to die when I get sick!

**Ladyblanc**: Thank you! Hm... but are you just saying that you're not Grell because you are and you don't want us to think that you are? O.O

**Lieutenant of the BVB Army**: *hugs* Thank you, and I hope you feel better!

**Cat attack 411**: Ah, yes. The things you do for love... :) Thank you very much!

**Bocchan832**: Yeah, Sebby is just a liiiiiittle overprotective of his little Ciel. :3

Whew! I have GOT to start condensing my notes! O.O Thank you for reading, everyone!

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	17. Voice

Chapter 17

"Buon giorno, ragazzi!" Mr. Landers greeted, his level of enthusiasm

nowhere near comparable to the time of day. Without waiting for the

response he knew he wouldn't receive, he began passing out papers.

"I'm going to be grading your tests today, so please work on this

until I finish."

The exhausted students slowly removed pencils from their bags as quiet

complaints regarding the size of the packets which had been

distributed were sent about the room.

Ciel sighed and read the first question. 'Conjugate volere,' he read

silently. 'Why are these morons complaining? Alright...volere: to

want. Io voglio, tu vuoli, lui/lei vuole, noi vogliamo, voi volete,

loro vogliono. Too easy...'

He looked up to find that his teacher had taken a seat diagonally in

front of him to grade tests. 'Why aren't you doing that at your own

desk?!' he thought. 'I swear, he's doing this just to make me

nervous.'

He bit his lip and continued. 'Name something that you want to do and a

reason why you can't. Example: Io voglio nuotare, ma fa freddo. I

want to swim, but it's cold.' He thought for a moment.

"Signor Phantomhive!" Mr. Landers whispered, pulling Ciel out of his

thoughts.

The freshman looked up, startled. His thoughts began to race. 'He's

grading my test, isn't he? He's probably going to tell me that I did

something wrong, or that I left that one answer blank, or that my

paragraph was grammatically incorrect, or that-'

The teacher held up the page, displaying a lengthy paragraph of Ciel's

microscopic penmanship.

'Okay, what's wrong with it?' he thought before spotting the comment in the

margins. There, in red marker, was a single word: "Bravo!"

"This was really well written," the teacher whispered. "Good job!"

Ciel smiled. "Thank you," he mumbled before getting back to work.

'Something that I want to do, but can't...' He paused for a moment

before putting his pencil to the paper.

'Io voglio parlare, ma ho paura. I want to speak, but I'm afraid.'

x

x

"Alois! Hey, Alois!"

Alois stopped dead in his tracks and whirled around to meet the sprinting

Sebastian. "Hey! What's up?" he asked once his friend had

caught up to him.

Sebastian paused for a moment to catch his breath. "Here," he panted,

holding out a folded piece of paper. "Don't open it... until

you're with Ciel... 'kay?"

Alois raised an eyebrow. "Um... okay. Why...?"

Sebastian smiled. "I just got an idea last period." Without giving any

further details, he started off toward his next class. "Make sure

you share it with him!" he called over his shoulder.

Alois nodded and examined the neatly folded piece of paper in his hands.

"Perfect folds, perfect creases, perfect handwriting... that's just

like him." The blond chuckled and entered his geometry classroom.

x

x

Ciel took his seat in his most anxiety-inducing class of the day:

geometry. Due to a combination of his direct front and center seat

and his general ineptitude for math, he could barely walk through the

room's threshold without his heart rate speeding up significantly.

Each day, he knew that without fail, a new concept would be thrown at

him; a concept which he would not be able to grasp right away. He

would get a few answers wrong at first, and Mr. Chamber's wandering

gaze would shoot his anxiety through the roof. If there was one

thing Ciel hated, it was people looking at his work.

In the midst of his panicking, Ciel felt a tap on his shoulder and

turned around to find Alois with a piece of paper between his middle

and index fingers.

"Sebastian gave this to me a couple minutes ago," the blond informed. "He

told me not to read it until I was with you, but here you are!" He

laid the note down on his desk and unfolded it.

Dear Ciel and Alois,

I know Ciel would blatantly decline if I did this via text, so...meet

me at La Gelateria tonight at 6, okay? I've got an idea that you

probably won't completely despise!

-Sebastian

Ciel rolled his eyes. "Hasn't he had enough yet?"

x

x

Sebastian sat alone in the gelato shop looking out the window at the countless

people hurrying by. Ciel had not shown up yet, despite the promise

of dessert which had lured him out so many times before. Alois had

not yet turned up either, which possibly came as even more of a

shock, as the young Trancy was never one to miss any kind of social

engagement. Sebastian glanced at his watch. It was nearing 6:15, so

where were his friends?

"Sorry we're late!" An obnoxious voice echoed throughout the tiny store

as the doors swung open to reveal two extremely feminine boys, one

dragging the other by the wrist.

"Hi," Ciel said quietly, placing himself beside his boyfriend.

"You wouldn't believe how long it took me to drag Ciel out!" Alois

laughed as he took a seat across from Sebastian. "We were texting,

and when I told him that I had to go get ready to come here and that

he probably should as well, he told me that he wasn't going. I

argued with him for a full ten minutes, but he still wouldn't do it,

so I decided to take action! I told my mom that I had to be dropped

of at his house so that we could walk down together, and his mother

was nice enough to let me in. I immediately infiltrated his room and

dragged him off of his bed. I practically had to carry him down the

stairs, he was flailing and screaming so much! It's a good thing

he's so light, because otherwise, he'd still be laying in his bedroom

like a loner."

"I wonder what his parents thought of that..." Sebastian mumbled.

"Anyway, I did have something in mind for Ciel tonight, but it's

kind of a secret." He extracted a mass of folded pages from his

pocket and handed it to Ciel. "You're going to need this, but

don't look at it yet, because that would completely give it away."

Ciel nodded and slipped the papers into his pocket.

Sebastian stood up. "Now, let's get going!"

x

x

Once they had left La Gelateria, Sebastian led Ciel and Alois to the

selective mute's favorite place in the entire town: the music store.

This was where he had taken piano lessons so many years ago, where he

had purchased his own piano and all of his sheet music, and where he

still loved to go to play the pianos displayed in the secluded

upstairs room, where nobody could ever hear him. He failed to

understand how anything in this euphoric little shop could invoke his

anxiety, but then again, Sebastian seemed to have a talent for

finding situations that made him uncomfortable.

"So, what are you planning to accomplish here?" he asked.

Sebastian smiled evilly. "You'll see. Let's head up to the piano room,

shall we?"

Ciel nodded, and the three ascended upon the store's second floor, where

dozens of pianos of all kinds awaited them.

Sebastian couldn't help but smile as Ciel rushed over to a grand piano and began playing

miscellaneous notes, which turned into anonymous melodies, which

turned into songs from the music library of his muscle memory.

"Ciel," Sebastian said, extracting the younger from his trance-like state.

The boy ceased his playing. "Yes?"

"The papers," Sebastian reminded. "You can look at them now."

Ciel nodded and quickly removed the pages from his pocket. On the top was

a note.

Ciel,

Play this for me and Alois, just like you did at my house. Don't forget

to sing!

Below the perfectly formed letters was sheet music which Ciel had never

seen before. It hadn't been on the Michaelis' piano on the day he

played it, so it was likely that Sebastian had gone out of his way to

select this song specifically for him. His eyes moved back up the

page to find the song's title. 'No One Would Listen from Phantom of

the Opera. Even the title is appropriate,' he thought. 'Good job,

Sebastian.'

Sebastian took Alois' wrist and moved closer to the piano at which Ciel was

stationed. "You do know the song, right?" he asked.

Ciel nodded and placed the music on the piano. He positioned his hands

and began playing the introductory melody, omitting a small opening

section of acapella which he absolutely refused to sing.

"Ciel-!" Alois started, surprised that Ciel possessed such a talent, before

cutting himself off to listen.

Ciel held the final note of the introduction for several beats longer than

what was written, afraid to begin singing. He opened his mouth, but

remained silent. He had never considered himself to be a bad singer,

but what would Alois think? They were past the age when people who

could sing got wide-eyed stares and "Wow"s. What if his friend

didn't like it? Or, what if, God forbid, someone else were to hear?

With wide, fearful eyes, Ciel looked at Sebastian, who smiled and

nodded, urging him to continue.

He turned his attention back to the instrument in front of him and

picked back up. "Shamed into solitude, shunned by the multitude, I learned to listen. In my

dark, my heart heard music..."

Alois gasped. "This song..." he whispered. "Ciel..."

"Listen!" Sebastian hissed, elbowing Alois in the ribs. The blond promptly shut his

mouth and continued to take in the beautiful sounds emanating from

the piano.

"He saw my loneliness, shared in my emptiness. No one would listen. No

one but him heard as the outcast hears..."

Sebastian's eyes widened. Had Ciel...changed the lyrics? He was sure that the

original song used female pronouns, as did the lyrics beneath the

music which he had printed out. Perhaps Ciel was so busy

concentrating on the music itself that he had simply made an error

with the words? No, he had done it twice; there was no way this

wasn't deliberate. So why...?

He was so busy over-analyzing and rationalizing that he had completely overlooked

the obvious truth behind the alteration: Ciel was singing about him.

"No one would listen. No one but him heard as the outcast hears."

A/N:

Such a sad song...I

swear, the first time I saw Phantom, I wanted to jump up on stage,

hug the Phantom, and yell "Don't worry, I'll love you!" This

isn't Clamp, dude. Stalking her just isn't the way to go.

Thank you to everyone for reading, and I'll see you all soon!

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	18. Parlare

Chapter 18- Ciel's POV

"Avete un'esame orale oggi."

You have a speaking exam today.

My heart dropped straight to the floor the moment I was able to translate my teacher's words. We had an oral exam. I would have to speak, and there was no way to get out of it. I sent Sebastian a look of desperation, but we both knew that there was nothing that either of us could do.

The dreaded word sounded through the classroom. "Cominciamo!"

Each student visibly tensed as Mr. Landers selected his first victim. My heart began to race as his violet eyes scanned the room.

"Signor Humphries," he finally said. "Please repeat the following statement in Italian: I like to play soccer with my friends."

"Mi piace giocare calcio con i miei amici," Alan responded with ease.

"Molto bene!" Mr. Landers praised as he scribbled something down on a piece of scrap paper.

My heart palpitated as my teacher searched the classroom for the next student to call upon.

"Alright, Signor Knox. Are you ready?" Mr. Landers asked, sending a wave of relief over me. I was safe for a good five minutes, given the probable amount of time that it would take the motor mouth to even register that he was being spoken to.

Ronald stared at Mr. Landers and blinked a few times, as if he had just been awoken from a nap. "...Yeah," he responded after a moment.

"Translate this into Italian: There are many things you can do in the city."

Ronald thought for a moment. "Ci sono...molti cose...fare...la citta?"

I rolled my eyes. At least I knew that no matter what I did, I would be better off than Ron.

Mr. Landers cringed. "Um...no. Signorina Middleford?"

Lizzy frowned, deep in thought. "Ci sono..." she started slowly,"Molte cose...puoi fare...nella citta?"

Mr. Landers smiled and nodded. "Brava!"

I stared at my desk as another student was chosen. 'Please not me...' I thought. 'Please don't choose me!'

"Signor Phantomhive."

My heart leaped out of my chest, and I looked up at my instructor, wide-eyed.

"Here's your sentence: I need to buy a sandwich for my sister."

I took a moment to think. 'Io...need...what's "need"? Dovere? Yeah. Devo comprare un panino per mia sorella.'

"Do you know how to say "to need"?" Mr. Landers asked.

'Wait! It is "Dovere", right?' I thought, my anxiety slowly beginning to take over. 'But what if it's one of those other irregular verbs?! I get them confused all the time...' Deciding that it would be better to pretend I didn't know and look stupid rather than to be wrong and look stupid, I shook my head.

Mr. Landers nodded and turned his attention away from me, much to my relief. "Signor Michalis, can you translate that, per favore?" he requested.

Sebastian nodded. "Devo comprare un panino per mia sorella."

I dug my nails into my forearm. 'I was going to say that!' I screamed in my mind. 'I was right...I'm such a moron...'

"Good job, Signor Michaelis!" Mr. Landers said.

An overwhelming mixture of relief and humiliation filled my still racing heart as Mr. Landers moved on. I should have been able to relax, but the knowledge that I would inevitably be called upon again prevented my horrible symptoms from subsiding. For now, the crushing attention had been shifted away from me, and my job was merely to listen as my classmates butchered the Italian language, yet I still trembled. My heart still pounded, and my palms still sweated. My thoughts still raced at such a speed that it barely even phased me when every single one of Eric's verbs went un-conjugated, when Ronald continued to use the wrong form of "molto" no matter how many phrases Mr. Landers threw at him, and when Peter Kelvin confused "potere" with "volere". The anticipation was absolutely unbearable.

"Signor Phantomhive, I'm coming back to you."

The dreaded moment had arrived. I felt as if my heart was about to explode as I struggled to make eye contact with my teacher. However, instead of giving me a sentence to translate, he gave me instructions that made simply sitting in my seat and repeating a phrase seem like child's play.

"Please come to the front of the room," he said.

I stood up shakily, too stunned to register anything that was going on around me, too weak to even smile at Sebastian as I passed by his desk. 'I'm going to kill you, Mr. Landers,' I thought to myself. 'I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.'

When I reached the front of the classroom, Mr. Landers motioned for me to come closer to him. I obliged, and my torture session began.

"Alright..." He paused. "Say 'My name is Ciel'."

"Mi chiamo Ciel," I mumbled, just loudly enough to be audible. 'Is that it?' I thought. 'Maybe I'll make it out alive.' No such luck.

"Now, say 'I don't like sports. I like to read'," he instructed.

'I don't like sports. I like to read,' I thought. 'I don't like sports... Non mi piacciono... or... does the "non" come before or after the "mi"? I'm pretty sure it's before, but... what if I'm wrong? Alright, just go with it. Non mi piacciono...gli sport. I like to read. Mi piace...would you conjugate "leggere"? It's "to read", so I guess not. Okay, mi piace leggere. Non mi piacciono gli sport. Mi piace leggere. That seems right. Now say it.'

"N—Non mi piace..." I started hesitantly,"Gli sport. Mi piace...leggere."

Mr. Landers nodded and scribbled something down. "Molto bene!"

Too drained to thank him for the compliment, I hurriedly turned around and took my seat. Finally, the adrenaline subsided. My pulse slowly began returning to its normal rate, and my madly trembling hands started to calm down.

The speaking test was over, and three minutes of the class period remained. Mr. Landers retired to his desk, cuing my obnoxious classmates to get out of their seats. Sebastian immediately headed for the desk beside mine.

"Good job," were the first words out of his mouth.

I could have said a lot of things in response to this. I could have made a sarcastic remark, or I could have contradicted him. But when I opened my mouth, what came out was not "Yeah, right" or "Are you deaf?" or "I think not". Overcome with emotion and longing for a sense of security, the words that almost involuntarily snuck past my lips were "Can I have a hug?"

Sebastian nodded and stood up before pulling me into the tightest, warmest, most comforting embrace I had ever experienced. "You were wonderful today, Ciel," he whispered. "I'm so proud of you."

His kind words beckoned the tears that were already threatening to erupt from my eyes. I reluctantly pulled away from the hug as to avoid crying in a classroom, despite my desire to remain in his arms for the duration of the day- of not my existence. I looked up at him and held up my thumb, index finger, and pinky: an appropriately silent way to say "I love you".

x

"Good afternoon, Ciel!" Dr. Sutcliff greeted as he closed the door to his office.

'It would be a perfectly good afternoon,' I thought,'if I were anywhere but here.'

"So, how are you today?" the therapist asked.

I stared at the floor, unable to make eye contact with him. "Fine, thank you," I replied stiffly.

He nodded, probably trying to think of some way to over-analyze my response. "How's school going?" he inquired when he realized that there was no way to rebound off of what I had previously said.

Too uncomfortable now to think clearly, I made a vital mistake. "Good," was the unfortunate response I gave.

Dr. Sutcliff evidently saw this as a window of opportunity. "What's good about it?" he asked.

What was good about it? Well, nothing. Sebastian was there, I got a good test grade or two, but that was it. Nothing he cared about.

"Anything? Come on," he urged.

I shrugged.

"Have you been called on recently?" he asked, desperate to find something that would generate a verbal response from me.

I nodded.

"Okay..." he said. "What classes?"

I bit my lip and clenched my sweating, trembling hands into fists. "Italian," I mumbled.

He smiled, probably delighted to have heard my voice. "And how did you feel when that happened?"

How did I feel? Scared. Helpless. Vulnerable. Weak. Ashamed. Inadequate. Alone. Dozens of words flooded my mind, but none of them reached my lips. 'Say something!' I thought. 'It's not like he'll laugh at you!'

I closed my eyes and opened my mouth. "Frustrated." Frustrated, because I knew the answer, but the words refused to come out. Frustrated, because who I was was masked by my anxiety. Frustrated, because nobody could hear my silent screams. Frustrated, because I didn't want to be defined by my disorder. Frustrated, because nobody knew.

"That makes sense," Dr. Sutcliff said. "Alright, we're almost out of time now. You made a lot of progress today, Ciel. Good job."

I looked up and smiled at him weakly.

"I hope this will continue," he went on. "Do you think you could bring a game for next time?"

'You must really be running out of ideas...' I thought before nodding.

"Excellent!" he replied. "See you next week!"

I flashed another fake smile and exited the small room. Once I was back in the lobby, I removed my phone from my pocket and began a new message.

_Sebastian,_

_I spoke to Dr. Sutcliff today. It was only a few words, but I did it; I broke my silence. It was terrifying...and elating._

_-Ciel_

x

A/N:

Summer has finally arrived! Twelve whole weeks of minimal anxiety! X3 Sadly, that also means that I really DID NOT want to write this chapter. I pretty much had to think back to my absolute worst experience in Italian class and write it all down (not to mention that writing all that incorrect Italian killed me XP). Also...just for the record, I actually asked Wolfen Artist of Hetalia for a hug after class. And I was about three seconds from bawling allllllll over her shirt... TTATT

Translation notes:

Cominciamo: we begin (it's pretty easy, because it sounds like "commence")

Avere: to have

potere: to be able to

volere: to want

Well, that's all for now, folks!

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	19. Journal

Chapter 19

Ciel was late. Sebastian knew that his boyfriend was partial to sleeping in on Saturdays, but never to such an extent that he missed a lunch date. It had been exactly eighteen minutes since Ciel was supposed to have met Sebastian at Feliciano's, and yet Sebastian still sat alone, waiting for his boyfriend to burst through the door yelling an unintelligible apology.

Just as the image of a flustered Ciel running up to the table passed through Sebastian's mind, the real thing appeared before him.

"I'm so sorry I'm late!" the younger boy panted. "I had to find something, and I kind of lost track of time looking for it, so... so I'm sorry!"

Sebastian smiled. "It's fine. I wasn't waiting here for very long, anyway." He never lied, but stretching the truth to preserve one's feelings never hurt. "Anyway, have a seat. The waitress should probably be back soon."

Ciel nodded and sat across from Sebastian. He began mindlessly flipping through the menu's pages, despite the fact that he already had an idea of what he wanted.

"So," Sebastian leaned forward and rested his head on his hand. "What, exactly, were you-"

"Oh, so your boyfriend's here now?" The enthusiastic waitress, Mey-Rin, interrupted.

"Where did you materialize from?" Sebastian heard Ciel mumble.

"Well, can I get you guys something to drink?" the oblivious Mey-Rin continued.

"Actually, I think we're ready to order," Sebastian informed.

Mey-Rin nodded. "Alright!"

"I'll have a lemonade and the fettucine alfredo, please," the sophomore requested.

"May I have...a raspberry iced tea and the ravioli, please?" Ciel asked.

The bubbly waitress nodded once more, collected the couple's menus, and retreated to the kitchen.

Sebastian stared at the boy for a moment, wide-eyed. "You didn't say "um". Not once," he said. "Are... are you..." He trailed off and quickly reached across the table. His fingers wrapped around Ciel's delicate wrist, and he felt around for a moment. The light of hope was quickly extinguished when he located the familiar, racing pulse characteristic of selective mutism.

"It's not gone," he whispered sadly, releasing the boy from his grasp. "It's still there. Still plaguing you, still hurting you."

"Um..." Ciel searched for the right words. "Sorry. It's...not quite over yet. Now, what were you saying earlier?"

Sebastian thought for a moment before continuing on his previous train of thought. "You said that you were late because you were looking for something. May I ask what that "something" is?"

Ciel nodded and fished around his pockets. "I wanted to show you something," he said, holding out a folded-up pile of worn-looking papers.

Sebastian took the pages and began carefully unfolding them.

"They're pages from my journal," Ciel explained.

Sebastian stared at the very top of the paper in his hand, afraid to read Ciel's innermost thoughts.

"Go ahead," the blue-eyed beauty prompted. "You can read it out loud if you want to."

The raven nodded. "September 17, 2011," he read. "Alois yelled at me today at lunch, because when he gave me one of his spine-crushing hugs, he could apparently feel my ribs. What his hands were doing there, I don't know, but are ribs really not supposed to stick out? Anyway, I did lose a couple pounds, but I didn't think that anyone would notice, much less yell at me for it. Besides, it's not like I'm trying to be ridiculously thin. I just want to be...less conspicuous, if that makes sense. I guess I'm just glad that Sebastian wasn't at lunch today, or else he probably would've had my head."

As Sebastian came to a finish, Ciel stared down at the table, nervously awaiting a reaction.

"Darn right, I would've had your head," the elder male said. "You lied to me when I asked you if you had tried to lose weight."

"You asked me whether or not I starved myself," Ciel corrected. "Which I didn't. I just... cut down on my meals a little."

"You think that's any better? If you were any thinner, you'd disappear. How-" Sebastian fell silent when he saw Mey-Rin emerge from the kitchen. He waited patiently as she set down the plates, said his thank-yous, and watched her disappear again. Once she was gone, he continued.

"How did you even have a couple extra pounds to lose? You need to take care of yourself. And for the record, no, your ribs aren't supposed to stick out."

"Sorry," Ciel mumbled. "I know it's bad, and I knew that it was bad at the time. I don't do it anymore, though. I promise I don't."

"Alright," Sebastian said, a slight hint of disbelief in his voice, as he flipped the page to find the next entry. "January 4, 2012. I remember my very first therapy session, when Dr. Fruitcake asked me whether or not I self-harmed. At the time, I thought he was crazy, but now, those thoughts don't seem too farfetched. I don't want to hurt myself, but I can't help but wonder who would notice, cry, mourn if I were to disappear. I'm invisible to most of the world; just a face and name to fill an otherwise empty place in a classroom. I can't do anything for anyone. I can't even say what I'm feeling."

Ciel regretted his choice to show this particular entry to Sebastian the moment he saw tears trailing down his boyfriend's pale cheeks.

"Is this really how you feel?" the vermillion-eyed teen asked, his anger dissolving into sadness.

Ciel nodded. "That's how I've felt for...for a while. Useless, lonely, unwanted, and invisible. So invisible."

"You must be blind, then," Sebastian replied, wiping the tears from his face. "If you really can't see it... you'd have to be blind. We all need you, Ciel. Alois, who's been crushing on you since the dawn of time. Doll, who probably has a lock of your hair under her pillow. Even Landers, despite how he constantly inadvertently tortures you, favors you over the rest of our loud-mouthed class. And me... I love you more than life itself. So don't feel like you're nothing, because you're everything to me."

Ciel omitted the question of where Doll would have gotten a lock of his hair as well as how he had never noticed Alois' supposed crush on him and simply smiled. "Thanks. And I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

Sebastian shook his head. "I'm glad you let me know that this was going on."

Ciel blushed and shoved a forkful of ravioli into his small mouth. "There's one more," he mumbled after swallowing. "But... don't read it out loud."

"Alright," Sebastian agreed as he flipped the previous paper over to reveal the final page. Respecting Ciel's wishes, he began silently reading.

_ENTRY 1: Selective mutism is pure, unadulterated fear. It is anxiety, terror, and most of all, loneliness. It is a physical incapability that robs me of my voice in select situations. It is not a choice by any stretch of the imagination. It is unfathomable anxiety and a feeling of complete solitude. I don't want to be like this. I want to tell people what I'm feeling, to let my feelings out. I want to raise my hand in class, and I want to speak to adults. But I can't. When I'm required to speak to an adult, my thoughts move at a million miles a minute. I don't want to say something wrong, so I begin to second guess even things that I know for a fact are true. My heart starts beating rapidly, and I start to feel hot. Sometimes, I shake and sweat, and I dig my nails into whatever I can find. The anxiety is utterly unbearable. I can feel them all staring at me, whispering, laughing, making light of the most painful thing imaginable. I absolutely cannot speak in these situations, despite a burning desire to. Though it may be exclusive to given situations, I am a mute. I do not have my voice; it is continually taken from me by the crushing anxiety I feel. I cannot ask for help, cannot accept if help is offered to me, cannot do anything with the help given to me. I am completely and utterly trapped in a world of solitude and silence. A world where my voice does not constantly exist; where I know that it could be taken from me at any time. I live in a horrible world where screaming coexists with silence; freedom coexists with imprisonment; fear coexists with contentment. It is a realm where nothing is absolute, and I live there alone._

Once he had finished reading, he carefully folded the pages and held them out for Ciel to take.

The younger boy looked up from his pasta. "Keep them," he said.

Sebastian's face contorted in confusion. "Keep them? But why?"

"I don't want them," Ciel replied plainly. "Do what you want with them. Hold onto them, recycle them, shred them, burn them for all I care."

"I'm not throwing away your feelings, Ciel," Sebastian argued.

Ciel shrugged. "They're not my feelings anymore. They're a part of a past that I don't want to be affiliated with, and they don't have a place in my future. Those feelings aren't what define me, and I want to move on so that they can't hurt me anymore. I'm ready to let go of them, Sebastian. I'm ready to let go of selective mutism."

x

A/N:

Okay, I actually have a couple comments about this chapter! First of all, that last journal entry is real. I wrote it a little while ago, stumbled across it recently, and thought it would work for this chapter. The other ones are obviously fake, but they came from real emotions and thoughts that I've actually had. I don't really think like that anymore, but I wanted to highlight all aspects of SM and all of the things it can potentially do. Looking back on it, it's actually really scary. O.O Be very careful, my fellow selective mutes, for anxiety is powerful.

Well, that's it for now! We're winding down...

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	20. Open

Chapter 20

Ciel sat in his usual waiting room chair outside of Dr. Sutcliff's office. He swung his legs back and forth and studied the object in his hand: a never-before-played game of travel Pictionary Man. It was apparently the first thing that his mother had pulled off of the shelf, but because the game required a fair amount of guessing- something that Ciel was not fond of in the least- he found it to be the perfect exercise for a selective mute. Thus, it was positively terrifying.

'I'm going to do it,' Ciel thought to himself. 'Today is the day. I'm going to speak to him.'

"Good afternoon, Ciel," a very familiar voice greeted.

Ciel's head shot up, along with his pulse. 'Say "hi"!' he urged, but the words refused to move from his mind to his mouth. For a few seconds, he sat there, as if waiting long enough would reduce the anxiety and make the words decide that they wanted to come out. The awkward pause, unfortunately, had the exact opposite effect, and Ciel found himself wondering how he intended to speak today if he couldn't even manage so much as a simple greeting. Defeated, he stood up and followed his therapist back into the red-covered office.

Dr. Sutcliff closed the door and took his seat. "So, did you bring a game?" he asked, even though the question could have easily been answered by looking in the boy's lap, where the colorful box lay.

Ciel nodded and handed the doctor the game, thus avoiding explaining what it was.

"Pictionary Man," Dr. Sutcliff said.

'At least he can read...' Ciel thought.

The therapist went on to open the box and remove its contents. He carefully examined the little dry-erase man, the cards, the hourglass, and the markers, all of diminutive size.

"This is adorable!" he gushed. "Where did you find it?"

Ciel shrugged. "M—My mom bought it."

Dr. Sutcliff's face lit up upon hearing his patient's tiny voice. Ciel, meanwhile, was busy trying to slow his racing heart and wiping his sweaty palms on his shorts.

"So, how do you play?" Grell asked.

'Read the freaking instructions,' Ciel thought, before hesitantly mumbling,"It's... like regular Pictionary, but... with people."

"So, you draw on this guy?" Dr. Sutcliff inquired, holding up the little man.

Ciel nodded.

"Fabulous!" the therapist said, standing up to move to a chair closer to the selective mute. "Would you like to go first?"

"Okay," Ciel replied, taking the necessary items from his therapist's manicured hands. He drew a card from the miniature deck and looked at it. 'Charlie Brown,' he read. 'Easy enough. Even this nitwit should know who that is.' So, he turned the hourglass and uncapped his marker. After a brief moment's hesitation of fear that he would somehow draw Charlie Brown wrong, he set to work.

Dr. Sutcliff wore a look of intense concentration on his face as he watched the boy draw each detail on the miniscule man.

Once Ciel finished, he held up his work for the doctor to see.

"Charlie Brown?" Dr. Sutcliff guessed.

Ciel nodded and erased his handiwork before turning the tiny man over to the therapist, who in turn drew a card.

The fifteen-year-old watched as the man beside him drew, bracing himself for the required speaking that awaited him in a matter of seconds.

"I'm really terrible at drawing," Dr. Sutcliff chuckled, holding up what looked like a drunken hobo.

Ciel couldn't help but laugh at this utter artistic failure. "It... looks like a disheveled bum."

This comment sent Grell into hysterics. "That it does," he replied upon calming down. "That it does." He glanced at the hourglass. "Looks like I'm out of time, huh? It's supposed to be a convict, but I guess it really doesn't look like one at all." He shrugged and held out the dry-erase man. "Oh, well. Your turn."

Ciel accepted the mini-man and drew another card. 'Mermaid,' he read. As he contemplated how, exactly, one would make a mermaid out of a plastic man with two distinct legs, he flipped the hourglass and uncapped his marker.

Grell watched in confusion as his patient drew what appeared to be scales on Pictionary Man's legs. "Fish?" he guessed. "Fish... person? Fish... man? Fish..."

Ciel nodded, urging him to continue on the same train of thought, as he drew in a smiling face and seashell bra.

"MERMAID!" Dr. Sutcliff practically shouted, excitedly leaping from his chair.

Ciel smiled and nodded.

"You're quite a talented artist," Dr. Sutcliff complimented. "Do you take any classes?"

"I take studio art at school," Ciel replied quietly, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

Dr. Sutcliff nodded understandingly. "I see. So, Ciel... I've noticed a lot of changes in you today. You seem to be a lot more open. Do you think you'd be able to talk with me a little bit more about your situation?"

"I can try." Ciel's voice was just above a whisper, a clear sign that he was still very uncomfortable. But speaking was speaking, and if Dr. Sutcliff could get any answers out of the boy, regardless of audibility, he was going to do it.

The therapist smiled. "Excellent! So, first of all, could you tell me a little bit about how it feels when you're required to speak? Physically, I mean."

Ciel looked down at the carpet. If there was one subject that peaked his anxiety more than anything else, it was the cause of the anxiety itself. Talking about his disorder always made him extremely nervous, regardless of who he was speaking to or the extent to which he was speaking about it. He could feel all of his symptoms beginning to take over, but before he allowed them to consume him completely, he opened his mouth and spoke. "I get a huge adrenaline rush, and my heart feels like it's going to explode. I sweat, tremble, and start to feel really hot. Also... I scratch myself sometimes."

Upon hearing Ciel's final statement, Dr. Sutcliff looked up, worry evident on his soft, feminine features. "You scratch yourself," he repeated. It wasn't a disbelieving question, but rather a statement dripping with the desperate hope that he had misheard his patient.

Ciel nodded and pulled up his tee-shirt sleeve, revealing the scar left by the self-inflicted wound that Sebastian had covered up with a sanitary napkin so long ago. "The last time I did it was several months ago," he explained. "And I hadn't done it since third grade prior to that. So... it's not like a regular thing."

Dr. Sutcliff lightly ran a slender finger across the pinkish patch of skin. "Ciel," he said gently. "This is a form of self-harm."

Ciel's eyes widened. He quickly dropped his sleeve and looked away. "I... didn't know," he mumbled. "It's not something I consciously do. It just sort of happens."

"In that case, it may be a result of the anxiety," Grell suggested. "Anxiety disorders usually inflict a pretty wide array of symptoms, and many of them aren't things that one would typically associate with anxiety. Scratching certainly isn't common, but I don't believe it's entirely unheard of."

"Thanks," Ciel muttered, something that he thought he would never say to the eccentric man before him.

Dr. Sutcliff smiled. "I'm here to help. Now, can you tell me what kinds of emotions you feel when you go mute?"

"Disappointment with myself," Ciel replied. "Anger at the disorder for holding me back. Mourning for the person I could have been if I had been granted a constant voice. Frustration at the fact that I'm screaming and no one can hear me. Fear that I'll be like this forever and that it'll impact my future. Helplessness, because there's nothing I can do to stop it from reigning over my mind. Vulnerability, because anyone can verbally assault me, but I can't defend myself. Shame at the fact that I'm disappointing everyone who has tried to help me. Inadequacy, because I'll never be able to be good enough, let alone the best I can be. And loneliness, because this noiseless world I live in is inhabited only by me. I'm alone in my silence."

"You're a very bright boy, Ciel," Dr. Sutcliff said,"And I pity anyone who can't see that. Thank you very much for opening up to me today. We're almost out of time today, but I just want to ask you one more question before you go."

Ciel nodded. "Alright."

Dr. Sutcliff leaned forward. "Tell me: who helped you find your voice?"

An enchanting smile glowing with love graced Ciel's features as he replied simply with,"The most important person in my life."

x

A/N:

First of all, Pictionary Man holds a very special place in my heart. The first time I played it was actually at therapy, but it wasn't until I played with a group of good friends that I realized just how competitive of a Pictionary player I am. You see, I live under the unfortunate impression that pointing repeatedly to one picture and wildly gesticulating will get my partner to guess the answer correctly. I don't recommend this, as it rarely does anything but make you look like a loon. XD Anyway, I'm sorry that this chapter is a bit later than it probably should have been, but my next con is kind of sneaking up on me, so it's speed-sewing time for Sakura right now. XD

I'm really not sure when I'll be able to update again. The reasons range from a lack of computer access to a lack of ideas. So, it'll either be very early or very late. Thank you for your patience, and I love you all so much!

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	21. Red

Chapter 21

Ciel had never been a fan of interaction with his extended family. Whether it was a large party or a casual dinner, he always found himself dreading the impending awkward silences which would inevitably follow every question he would be asked. Rachel was well aware of this, so it didn't come as a surprise when her son's face fell upon hearing the news that his aunt Anne would be coming over for dinner.

Angelina Durless had always been Ciel's favorite aunt- not that the competition was tough, as the only other option was the cold Aunt Frances, who appeared to have the emotional capacity of a block of wood. Aunt Anne was a loud, boisterous woman who rarely shut up. She could talk at people for hours on end without even realizing that she was the only one contributing to the conversation, and while Ciel usually found these qualities to be extraordinarily irritating, Aunt Anne was different. Though his mother covered his ears through most of his eccentric aunt's stories, he took great interest in the tales which he was permitted to hear. The stories also prevented his aunt from asking him questions, for which he was very thankful. He loved his aunt's story-telling, not only because it intrigued him, but because it meant that he was safe. It meant that he wasn't going to have to sit there in crushing silence as Aunt Anne awaited an answer from him. It meant that he wouldn't have to feel that overwhelming anxiety in his own home.

But today, it also meant that he wouldn't get to show his parents how much he had improved.

x

The first word out of Angelina's mouth when she waltzed through the door of the Phantomhive residence was "Bonjour!"

Upon hearing his aunt's loud greeting echoing through the house, Ciel made his way down the stairs. When he arrived on the bottom level, he found his parents welcoming the red-clad woman back from her latest European excursion.

"How was France?" Rachel asked.

"It was lovely!" Anne replied enthusiastically. "Absolutely beautiful! Gorgeous sights, amazing shopping, and the men! OHHH, the men! I'll tell you all about it over dinner! It was positively- oh, Ciel, darling!" The apparently easily distracted woman rushed over to her nephew and gave him an almost Trancy-level bone-crushing hug. "Hello! How are you?"

Ciel looked up at his aunt. This was it; he had to speak. "Hi, Auntie Anne," he said. He could feel his pulse quickening, but he forced himself to ignore it. "I'm fine, thank you. How was your trip?" He looked over to where his parents had been standing- hoping to see a reaction to his speaking- to find that they had both retreated to the kitchen.

Angelina giggled. "It was excellent, thank you! I see you've changed a lot since the last time I saw you, huh?"

Ciel tilted his head in confusion. "I don't really think so. I mean, I haven't grown since-"

"You're speaking," she clarified. "You've been virtually silent for your whole life, and suddenly... now you're conversing with me like it's the most normal thing in the world."

Ciel laughed nervously. "Yeah, and my anxiety's not too happy with me right now, but y'know."

"How did it happen?" Angelina asked. "The therapy wasn't working, right? Did you do this by yourself?"

"By myself?" Ciel repeated. "I'm not sure that's even possible. My boyfriend has been helping me. He promised me that he'd have me speaking freely by the end of the year... and he never, ever lies."

"That is so sweet!" Angelina gushed. "You must be pretty happy, then. To finally have freedom to speak."

"I'm not free quite yet," Ciel replied. "But you're right: I am happy. I'm really lucky to have Sebastian. Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without him. I'm sure he had things he wanted to do this year that didn't involve devising new ways to help me, but even so, he always put my happiness first."

Angelina smiled. "I think that's what love is, dear. Don't ever let that boy go, Ciel. He sounds like an absolutely extraordinary person."

Ciel nodded. "Oh, he is. He really is."

A moment of awkward silence passed between the two. Ciel took this time to notice that his heart rate had gone down significantly. He could still feel the thumping in his chest, but it wasn't nearly as rapid as usual. Perhaps he truly was improving. Perhaps he would be free soon. Liberation was closer than he had believed, and the idea of being able to speak just like everyone else was exhilarating.

The silence was quickly broken by Angelina, who wasn't one to let even a moment of quiet pass her by. "So... what grade are you in now?" she asked.

"Ninth," Ciel responded.

Angelina nodded, a slight pout developing on her elegant features. "Oh, they grow up so fast! Where does the time go? Have you started thinking about college yet?"

Ciel shook his head. "No. I've still got some time before I have to worry about that."

"Very true," she agreed. "But it'll sneak up on you before you know it. You're going to be a sophomore soon, after all. Do you at least know what you want to do for a career? Do you have any goals for the future?"

Not long ago, this had been a touchy subject for the selective mute. The future had been a major source of stress. He knew that his anxiety would be a major setback, and because of it, he had worried about getting a job, or even getting into college. Those fears seemed distant now. Now, he could give his aunt a confident smile and a definitive reply.

"I want to be a speech therapist," was his response. "I believe that people were given disorders for a reason. For someone who has a disorder, there are two paths that you can choose: you could either sit around and feel bad about yourself, or you could use the experiences from that struggle to make a difference. Frankly, I don't know why anyone would hesitate to choose the latter. Everything is the way it is for a reason, and if my suffering means that I'll be able to help someone else some day, then it's worth every second. If I help children who are suffering the way I suffered , then maybe my pain won't have been meaningless."

"Oh, Ciel-!" Angelina's probable speech about how quickly Ciel was growing up was promptly cut off by Rachel rushing into the room.

"Ciel!" she cried.

Anne shook her head. "Did you set something on fire again, Rach?"

"I thought..." Rachel breathed. "I thought I heard Ciel's voice."

Ciel smiled. "You did, Mom."

Anne nodded. "We were having a very nice conversation. He's quite a bright boy."

Rachel put a hand to her mouth in shock. She rushed to where her son stood and wrapped her arms around him, trying desperately to hold back her tears. "You spoke," she whispered. "Ciel... you actually spoke. I'm so proud of you."

Her sobbing quickly turned to soft laughing as joy and pride overcame her. "Vincent, he spoke!" she shouted. "He spoke to Anne!"

Ciel's father was never one to show affection, but even so, it didn't surprise the boy when Vincent burst into the room and joined his wife in hugging their child.

"I'm so proud of you!" The man ruffled his son's hair. "You did it!"

Ciel smiled brightly. He did it. No more worrying his mother. No more being a disappointment. No more feeling inadequate. He could finally be a child his parents could be proud of, a nephew Aunt Anne could be proud of, and a human being he himself could be proud of. All he had to do now was become a boyfriend Sebastian could be proud of.

x

A/N:

Surprise! The chapter is actually on time! :D Speed Sewing Time/Cosplay Adjustment Time ended, so I'm ready for Saturday, and I also had time for Speed Writing Time. :D Short chapter is short, but I didn't really have much to say this time around. Please forgive me!

Thanks, you guys! You're all so supportive and wonderful, and I don't know what I'd do without you. Just one or two chapters left to go... :'(

Until next chapter,

Sakura


	22. Progress

Chapter 22

_-Ciel! :D :D :D_

_-What do you want, Alois? It's too early for this._

_-I'd hardly consider 10 am "early". Anyway, you have to come over to my house tonight!_

_-...Dare I ask why?_

_-I have something to tell you!_

_-So just tell me now._

_-I can't! It's too exciting! I need to tell you in person!_

_-...Fine. Besides, I have something I have to share with you, too._

_-Seriously? Awesome! I'll see you at 6, okay?_

_-Dinner with Mama Trancy again?_

_-...Sorry..._

_-Nah, it's fine. See you at 6._

x

Ciel knocked on the door of the Trancy residence. Not long ago, he would have been paralyzed with the fear that the door would open to reveal one of Alois' parents, or even the irrational fear that he had the wrong house. Not now, though; the minimal anxiety he presently felt was enough to be a source of discomfort, but certainly not enough to be debilitating in any way. It certainly wasn't enough to prevent him from speaking, and that was what truly mattered.

It was Alois who opened the door, which Ciel had to admit was a bit of a relief, even now that he had his voice.

"Cieeeeel!" the blonde squealed, throwing his arms around the smaller boy. "Come in!"

Upon being released from the lethal hug, Ciel complied. He followed his friend to the room where he had argued with Luca about his gender the last time he had dinner with the Trancys and sat on the nearest chair.

"So... what is it that you wanted to tell me?" He inquired.

Alois' face lit up. "Guess who got a boyfriend!"

"Walt Disney," Ciel guessed sarcastically.

Alois shook his head, his eagerness for Ciel to guess correctly written all over his face.

"Mickey Mouse? Ronald McDonald? Fabio?" Ciel began throwing around random names with the sole purpose of irritating his friend.

"No and no, but the last one was close," Alois replied before leaning forward and pointing to himself dramatically. "It's me, silly!"

Ciel nodded. "I see." His apathetic facade quickly fell, revealing a bit more of his femininity than he would have liked. "Details, Trancy. Now," he demanded.

The smile stretching across Alois' face was growing wider by the second. "Well, Claude asked for my number on Friday, and I was really surprised, because I'm usually the one making advances. He did, though, and of course I'm not complaining. That's kind of the guy's job, anyway, right? Not that I'm a chick or something, but I mean the more masculine one. Anyway, he texted me yesterday asking if I wanted to go out with him, and I obviously said yes, so no more unrequited love for Alois Trancy!" He finished his story- which was told faster than what Ciel thought was humanly possible- with a proud grin.

Ciel smiled back. "Congratulations, Alois. I guess I have to start texting him death threats now, huh? Just like you did with Sebastian for the entire first year of our relationship?"

Alois giggled. "I'd still be sending them if I hadn't found out that his dad's a lawyer."

"Is that why you stopped?" Ciel laughed. "Well, just make sure Claude doesn't eat you. If I catch him giving you too many 'I want you' stares, I'll get Sebastian to kill him and make it look like an accident."

Alois laughed at this, but his look of amusement quickly dissolved into the face of someone who suddenly remembered something important.

"Weren't you going to tell me something, too?" he asked.

"What? Oh! Well, it's not really something I have to tell you," Ciel replied. "It's more of a... demonstration, I guess."

Alois raised an eyebrow, clearly confused. "Are you going to do a magic trick or something?"

Ciel smiled and shook his head. "Better."

"Are you gonna sing?" Alois guessed. "Like the one time at the music store?"

"Better," Ciel replied again.

Alois sighed. "I give up."

Ciel gave one last smile before making his way to the kitchen. He was still within Alois' line of vision, and the blonde could only watch in awe as his friend did the unthinkable.

The cerulean-eyed freshman took a deep breath and approached Mrs. Trancy. He could feel his heart fluttering in his chest, but this minimal level of anxiety was easily manageable compared to what he would have felt before.

"May I help you with anything?" he asked politely. Even he himself was surprised with the ease at which the words came.

Mrs. Trancy turned around and smiled at him. "That's alright, sweetie. Thank you very much."

Ciel nodded and made his way back to where his friend sat. This time, it was his turn to wear a proud grin.

"You did it!" was just about all Alois could say. He hugged Ciel just as tightly as ever, but somehow, it was different. It wasn't just a hug for the sake of hugging; there was meaning behind it. The embrace was enveloped in so much happiness, so much excitement, so much pure emotion that for the first time while receiving one of Alois' hugs, Ciel thought nothing of the permanent spinal damage they would likely result in one day.

"How long have you been able to speak?" Alois asked once his brain began functioning again.

"Not long," Ciel confessed. "And I'm not entirely able to speak yet. I'm kind of working up to it. I started with my therapist, then my aunt, and now your mom. I'm still not ready for teachers yet, but that'll be next."

"And then you'll be cured!" Alois said excitedly.

"I'll consider myself cured at that point," Ciel replied,"but I do still have abnormal anxiety. My therapist suspects an underlying anxiety disorder, so more therapy will be in order. Under the circumstances, though, once I'm able to speak in class, I won't be a selective mute anymore. I'll have free control over my voice."

"That's spectacular!" Alois squealed. "Does Sebastian know?"

Ciel shook his head. "Not yet. He heard me speak to a waitress, but he doesn't know that I've progressed any further than that. I don't want him to know until I'm fully cured. I want it to be special. No 'Well, I still have to do this', no 'Oh, I still can't talk to so-and-so'. I want it to really mean something."

Alois let out a contented sigh. "I hope my relationship with Claude turns out to be as beautiful as your relationship with Sebastian. You two have something really special."  
>"Thanks," Ciel said softly. "I know."<p>

A comfortable silence passed between the two, but it was cut short by Mrs. Trancy.

"It's time to eat, boys!" she called.

Just like the last time Ciel had joined the Trancys for dinner, Luca was already seated when he and Alois reached the table. The young boy was swinging his legs back and forth in anticipation, and when he looked up to find Ciel, his face lit up.

"I remember you!" the little boy said. "You're big brother's pretty friend!"

Ciel gave a small chuckle. "Hi, Luca."

"Hi!" Luca replied enthusiastically. "Y'know, I really thought big brother was gonna date you, so I was really surprised when he told me he had a boyfriend! I thought big brother liked you, and even though Mama told me that you're a boy, I think she's lying."

"I'm a guy," Ciel confirmed with a small laugh,"but I'm not the one dating your brother."

"Luca," a female voice said. "What did I tell you about questioning our guests' genders?"

All three boys turned around to find Mrs. Trancy standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

"That I shouldn't," Luca replied. "Sorry, Mommy."  
>The woman smiled. "It's alright, dear. Now..." she made her way to the dinner table and took a seat. "Shall we eat?"<p>

"Thank you for the food," Ciel said.

It was a simple phrase, and would have been regarded as such by Alois if it had come from anyone else. To hear it from Ciel, though, made it so much more than a common formality. It was a sign that things were going to be okay. It meant that Ciel didn't have to be in pain anymore. That simple phrase was happiness, light, and hope. It was a beautiful sound, and Alois couldn't wait for it to be heard by the person who he knew mattered most.

x

A/N:

I know the chapter is late, and I'm really, really sorry! I wasn't really feeling up to writing for these past couple days. I'm okay right now, though, and thus, this little one-sitting wonder was born! ^.^

Next time will definitely be the end. TTATT

Until next time,

Sakura


	23. Speak

Chapter 23

"YOU DID WHAT?!"

The sound of Ciel's voice echoed through the crowded freshman hallway.

Sebastian put a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder in an attempt to calm him. "Shh. You're attracting attention."

"I thought I could trust you with the journal entries," Ciel hissed angrily. He began pacing back and forth in front of his locker, not caring for once about the strange looks he was receiving.

"You told me I could do anything I wanted with them," Sebastian reminded the distressed teen.  
>Ciel glared daggers at the sophomore. "That didn't include emailing them to my therapist!" he yelled, stopping directly in front of his locker and throwing his arms out dramatically. "Do you have any idea how awkward next Monday is going to be?! Those were my innermost thoughts and feelings, Sebastian. I told you that I could talk to the man, not that I want to marry him!"<p>

Sebastian sighed, defeated. "Okay, I'm sorry. I had to get you proper help somehow, though. He needed to know that those thoughts were present in your mind, but I knew that you weren't going to share those kinds of things with him. The more I read over the journal entries, the more I realized how close I was to losing you. I don't want that to happen, so I did the only thing I could."

Ciel frowned and crossed his arms. "Okay, fine. You win. ...Thanks, I guess."

Sebastian smiled triumphantly. "You're very welcome, my love. So, anyway, how is the treatment going? Have you made any progress?"

"I.. uh..." Ciel stammered, frantically trying to think of a way to evade the questions; the surprise was too special to be spoiled. "I'm being treated for social anxiety," he said quickly, hoping that this statement would distract from the subject of progress. "It turns out that a lot of the things I thought were related to SM are actually linked to social anxiety disorder, so Dr. Sutcliff is focusing on that."

"What about the selective mutism?" Sebastian persisted.

"Yeah, we've worked on that a lot, too," Ciel said carefully. "It's much easier now that I can speak. T—To him, I mean."

Sebastian nodded slowly. "Ciel, are you okay?" he asked. "You seem kind of... jittery."

"I'm fine," the freshman assured. "You know how I get when I talk about SM. I've... gotta go finish my math homework. See you in Italian, okay?"

"Alright," Sebastian replied, clearly not convinced by his boyfriend's reassurance. "Bye."

x

Ciel entered the Italian classroom with a racing heart. He knew that the amount of anxiety he was feeling was not enough to rob him of his voice, but if he was going to force his hand to go up, he would have to be completely calm.

"Are you okay, Ciel?" Lizzie asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost!

"Elizabeth, please don't bother me," Ciel said, too preoccupied with his attempts to calm himself to be bothered with politeness.

"He's been like that all morning," Sebastian explained, noticing Lizzie's exaggerated pouting. "Don't feel too bad. It's probably my fault."

Ciel wanted so badly to contradict Sebastian; to tell him that it had nothing to do with him, and that he was simply trying to concentrate on the task of speaking. Of course, he couldn't do that, because that would spoil the surprise.

"Ciao, ragazzi!" Mr. Landers greeted, as cheerfully as ever.

The mere sight of his teacher sent Ciel's almost-normal pulse right back up. He was becoming frustrated, and began to fear that he wouldn't be able to speak after all. He had made it through conversations with his therapist, his aunt, and even Mrs. Trancy, but what if speaking to a teacher was still too much? He had been so excited to share his ability to speak with Sebastian, but what if he couldn't do it?

Ciel forced these thoughts out of his head. He was done being a slave to his disorder, and he wasn't going to allow anxiety to hold him back any longer. If he wanted to be free, he had to act now.

"Che tempo fa oggi?" It was a question that Mr. Landers asked every day. A rather random question, Ciel had always thought, as the ability to hold a conversation about the weather in Italian was not among the more important life skills. Nevertheless, it was an important question on this particular day, as it was Ciel's chance.

What happened next was so shocking that it made even the most talkative students fall dead silent.

Ciel Phantomhive raised his hand.

"Si, signor Phantomhive?" Mr. Landers said, unsure of the reaction he would receive from the usually silent student.

This was it, and Ciel knew it. Once he spoke up, there would be no more pain; no more silence. No more causing Sebastian to worry, and no more embarrassing himself every time he was called upon. It would all be over.

"Oggi fa bel tempo."

The room remained silent long after the question was answered; each student was in shock, including Ciel himself. However, had they not been preoccupied in their thoughts, wondering what brought about this change in their classmate, pondering what must have been going on in his head, they would have seen Sebastian Michaelis sitting at the back of the room, crying.

x

As Ciel walked away from the Italian classroom, feeling a stronger sense of accomplishment than ever before, he felt a large hand pulling his thin arm. Before he had any time to think, he found himself in the bathroom, being lifted up and hugged tightly by a pair of strong arms.

"You did it!" a familiar voice kept repeating. "I'm so proud of you! You did it!"

It was only when a pair of lips were pressed against his own that he realized who his "captor" was.

"Sebastian!" he squealed excitedly as his feet met the floor once again.

"I can't believe it..." Sebastian whispered. "You're finally free... you're not in pain anymore... You must be so happy."

Ciel nodded. "It's strange. Raising your hand and speaking is something that most people do every day, and they think nothing of it. For so long, that small action that comes to most as naturally as breathing was what I longed for more than anything. But now... now, for the first time, I can do it, too. I can be normal, just like everyone else. I guess the only difference is that I won't take it for granted."

Sebastian smiled. "Ciel, I don't have a doubt in my mind that you're the strongest, most amazing person I've ever met."

The corners of Ciel's lips turned up in an involuntary yet utterly radiant smile. "More amazing than someone who would voluntarily go to such great lengths to assist his selectively mute boyfriend simply for the sake of love, knowing that he had nothing to gain?"

Sebastian touched Ciel's face. "Oh, but I did have something to gain," he protested. "Your happiness. Nobody with such extreme anxiety can be truly, purely, undeniably happy. That's what I wanted for you; what I still want for you, and what I always will want for you. My motivation for helping you has always been your happiness... your happiness, and my unconditional love."

Ciel threw his arms around Sebastian's neck. "Thank you so much," he said. "Thank you for helping me, for never giving up on me, for seeing this through to the very end, for everything you've done. I love you so much."

"I love you, too," Sebastian whispered, brushing his lips against Ciel's. "And I'm so very proud of you. You did it; no more pain, no more loneliness, no more fear. You're free, love. You're free."

x

A/N:

Thank you very much to all of my wonderful reviewers. Not only did you give me the motivation to write, but you gave me the strength to carry on for an entire school year, and that's more than I ever could have asked for. I love you all so much, and because you have all been so amazing, I'm going to do something special: for every review this final chapter gets, I'm going to donate a dollar to the Selective Mutism Network. Once again, thank you all so much!

Want to learn more about SM? Think you may have SM? Want to know how you can help? Feel free to voice any concerns by sending me a private message! Selective mutes are excellent listeners. ;)

Until next time,

Sakura


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